|╞ THE ۩ MiNiStRy ۩ OF ♪ʍʊŚĩƈ♪ ╡|

2010-09-24T21:29:00.001+08:00

MOVED! (:

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE NEW BLOG! (:

2010-08-25T12:07:00.003+08:00

Hello all! In attempt to revive my blog, I shall post once more before I leave my house! xD

Yesterday was quite a fruitful practice, was fun with some of the usual people around like weijie, shuzhen and yikhung! :D nonetheless, saddening to not have wenshan, cass and joel around. Tan bo yue only had 2 people, wth? HAHA, nonetheless practice went through smoothly and it was the end of practice in no time. Yizhan and xiuru sat through the practice and I bet they were falling asleep, along with blood vomitting of some constant mistakes. :X

Been practicing liuqin and it takes time to get runny notes done well. ): Oh, mr tan mentioned yesterday that 'Speed is Musicianship. If you play fast and clear, you are a good musician'. Sad to admit, but it can be true most of the time, that audiences often deem technical players as wonderful musicians.
But I believe music is not that shallow as it seems to be. It is true that it takes alot of patience and practice to get fast passages through easily, but I believe music is more than just playing it fast and well, but about feeling the music within you, and how much you love your instrument. That's what makes you, a great musician. Along with that, one's attitude towards music, I believe is essential in allowing one to play music much better, such as having a positive self-willing attitude in comparison to a negative forced attitude.

Ah heck, like as if I'm some good musician! :X What right do I have, to testify against other's ideologies. I ain't that good anyway, but I do strive to be one. And I hope that these tiny guidelines of mine will inspire some, and hopefully bring me to my dream. Hee! (:

Oh yes, I was browsing through some of my friends on Facebook, and found out another one to be gay :X Whoops! No names to be mentioned, but I hope he'll cheer up as he just broke up with his boyfriend. :/ Coincidental enough, but it seems true that people always come out of the closet after a break up from a serious relationship. At least, it applies to most of the gay friends I know, including myself. Heee!

Yeap, I think that'll mark the end of the post. Gonna go town! Hee! (: Just hope to have fun later, and I also do hope that I'll have a more positive life from now onwards. That'll be all! Bye!!~

P.S.: Love ain't knocking on my door, so this mouse is out to squeak outside other's! (:

2010-08-20T23:48:00.002+08:00

Once again, sincere apologies for my absence. (: I'm back to blog, like after such a long time.

Honestly, I don't really feel a need to post much happy stuffs here because happiness, can be seen in real life or online statuses like msn and facebook. But sadness, you all cannot see. Randal wears a mask out everyday, not any normal mask like your cosplay masks, or your facial masks for whitening and what nots. It's a mask that you all cannot see the deep dark heart that lies within, one that has lost...so much.

Having so much to say, I wonder whether I'll be able to say everything before I actually knock out to bed. But nonetheless, let's see how things go bahs.
I always find myself a failure in life, so much unaccomplished. Tell me, what have I exactly accomplished? Nothing.

Love? Okay, maybe 3-4 years of blissful happiness, but it all shattered to nothing now. I chose the guy who I thought would love me forever (and he promised he would) but he did not. He gave me his most, but only for a short period of lets say...2-3 years? After which, it was all me. Me me me, and I found out that he doesn't love me anymore. We've seperated, and don't talk anymore nowadays.
I tried falling for others, but it doesn't work out as well. Either being played, fooled, tricked, or abandoned. HAH, this is hilarious indeed.

Hmms, next up, studies. Let's see...okay even though I did do well for O levels, I ended up not in a JC because of my lazy attitude of not wanting to study. I didn't end up in SP because I don't have good enough results. I ended up in RP, wasting my 1st year on nonsense, 2nd year on BASICS, and 3rd year on bias facilitators. My GPA is not outstanding like above 3.5, my school life is not any way interesting or fun. Modules are boring, useless and unnecessary for my future.

Skills? What skills do I have, that can allow me to have a bright future? Knowing how to play so many CO instruments? Pointless! Learning dizi first in secondary school, then hopping to guzheng, percussion and mallets. So what if I went SYF? I didn't get gold with honours. LOL. After which, coming to RPCO, I picked up ruan and liuqin. Not anywhere near the tough competition out there, I find myself to slow amongst everyone. Learning yangqin at my free leisure? LOL, pointless. Same applies to the other instruments like erhu, cello, pipa and sheng.

Then what? Piano? Violin? A grade 6 in piano is nothing, because it was quite a long time ago. I can not longer sight-read well enough. I find myself ignorant of dynamics, my right hand fingers are not flexible, left hand fingers do not react to pressing of large chords. Violin? Nonsense, I barely learnt it. And now what...? My ruan teacher is not free to teach me, I'm in need of another ruan teacher and cannot find one. No matter how much I practice, I never seem to improve. At this rate, how do I enter NAFA after RP? Impossible.

Other skills you ask? Skills like multimedia? Phototaking and editing? Photoshop skills? Flash animation? HTML? I ain't a pro in them, and will never be, because I just can't stay put...to learn them properly. I have short attention span. Language skills? I'm horrid at chinese and can't converse well in it. English? LOL, aint good enough. Having bad sentence structures, grammar errors, and I can't speak fluently nor convincingly.

Arranging songs? HAH, another failure. I don't have such a good musical background anyway, I can't get my structures right, my harmony is cha-pa-lang, I can't sight-sing, and I need hell of a time to transcribe. I depend on given chords, scores and midi files. Tell me, what kind of arranger...is that? Copycat more like it.

Hmms...next up, friends? Okay, maybe it seems like I have such a huge circle of friends. But when things crop up, when things happen, I don't feel that all comfortable to trouble any one of them. Close CO friends around me like Cassandra, Joel, WeiJie, WenShan, YikHung, ShuZhen, to close school friends like Desmond, April, Jean, Amon? Nope, no one I can approach when I really feel so down. It's like...when I'm weeping and I scroll through my list of contacts in my phone...I don't press anyone's contact to call. I come across...your number. And I remember how much I called that number, your number. The number, that I always wait for at 10.30pm when I'm having dinner after CO.

My own character and personality? HAH, this is a funny one. I treat other so uber nice, I get bullied. I get picked on, I get insulted or taken advantage of? People think that I'll never get angry, play tricks, jokes and what nots. I treat others random treats because I'm nice, and some will expect more in future. I forget to collect my debts and people just act ignorant.
Yet when it comes to me treating others less nice, they say I'm a two-sided snake? I treat a while nice, a while not nice? -.-" Tell me, what do I do to get things right? I raise my voice when I'm angry, and people say I'm petty? I emo and feel sad when people don't treat me nicely, and they say I'm over-sensitive? I don't know how many times I got this, countless. But nothing I can do.

Money? LOL, okay a bit more well-off than others doesn't give me an upper-hand. My parents don't support me much in my wants, such as wanting this wanting that. I had to persuade so much to get my new ruan, and I'm not satisfied with it because of my own stupidity. I want Zhang Xin Hua qin! D: whatever.

Fitness? HAH. I'm freaking unhealthy. I don't exercise, I sleep too much. I have a lousy appetite that is totally PMS-ing. I am malnutritioned especially since I don't like milk. I have no muscles, no 6pack, no strength, no nothing.
Looks? LOL, please. I'm not an ordinary guy. I'm lesser than an ordinary guy. Fat, not any way shuai. Don't have awesome eyes, pimples on my face occasionally. Bad hair that I will wanna cure but will never be able to. Afraid of contact lenses. I wanna wear this wear that, but I don't own the clothings? LOL, how pathetic is this?

Now what can I do? I just have to know that my love for ruan wont die off. That I will stay on to learn the magical instrument and do awesome things on it. But still, I'm too slow. To catch up with the others from NAFA, its too late. It's all too late. What's the point? I won't probably be able to carve a career out of ruan any time soon, maybe at most 8-10 years down the road? Nonetheless, its useless to say anything. I feel that I'm so unachieved, nothing I have been doing...has been going well. Mediocre results that are unsatisfactory to both the society and myself.

Randal, tell me, are you a failure?

2010-07-30T23:04:00.002+08:00

HOLY CRAP! .__. i took more than a month to post! :X i'm so very very sorry people! ):

These few days have been really very busy days for me! (: but not too bad still. Juggling schoolwork, FYP, CO, love life, and friends, along with my own musical practice, scores arrangement! Quite a mad rush over lots of stuffs recently, but I'm still surviving! :D Recently wrote Smoke On The Water for CO, but didn't really turn out ideal as it's tough. Quite disappointed :/ but it's inevitable bahs (: Maybe in future!

So yeap, the hectic weeks will soon be over once holidays arrive! :D I hope things will go smoothly till holidays, although some stuffs aren't going as smoothly as I wanted it to be. :/ Oh well, lets just hope things will go fine! hee!

That'll be all bahhs! Off to do my work, see you all soon! (:

P.S.: -squeak squeak- I...miss you! (: hee!

2010-06-20T00:12:00.002+08:00

Hello all. (: Okay, deep in my heart, I'm not feeling okay. Today has been a really, very tiring day for me. Not physically, but emotionally.

Really glad to meet up with shuzhen and yizhan korkor (: Went to Fantasia and saw jonline, marcus, timothy and yinhao there, along with mr wu. Korkor wanted to repair his erhu by replacing the snakeskin but oh well xD he reconsidered and may be coming back some other time. Had awesome food, and then off to shopping. Totally couldn't tolerate the temptation within me, the desire to shop and buy and buy and buy. Shirts, t-shirts, vests, belts, shoes, pants, jeans, bermudas, bags, spectacles, watches, accessories etc. Oh dear, adding on...GSS is here. I'm going crazy :X managed to keep my temptation (to not use my NETS card) and bought a piece of shirt (: thanks yizhan korkor also for helping me pay half first, will pay you the other half real soon.

Went to J.CO donuts to slack for around an hour plus, and off to AMK. Met daryl lok there, nice guy though really quiet (to me) LOL :X practiced at tgcc, wanna know more about how i feel about that, ask me personally. Nothing unhappy about that to be mentioned here. Then off home after some bubble tea.

Okay, now its time for some emo-ing. :/ Hai ya, I'm really trying my best to move on, and try to live life without love. But I can't do it, I really can't. Whenever I go out, I just can't stop thinking of you. The quiet you, that will always be there beside me. Not that I'm despising or disliking, but outings nowadays are too hyperactive for me, too much energy, too much talking, too much movements. I wanna live in that little private world of ours, when we go on bus rides, and there's not a need to talk much. Whenever we walk in shopping malls or anywhere, we need not walk really fast or talk much either, we only needed each other. Now my social circle has changed so much, it has been very loud and energetic lately, too much for me to blend in. Everyone is going bonkers easily from small matters which I don't find funny nor necessarily energetic.

Alot of my circles luh. Yizhan and Shuzhen's side, too hyperactive. I believe you two have noticed that I'm just too tired for these stuffs. In fact, I've never really wanted to live this 'mad way' lah. I just want to have someone close to, and we'll have each other without a need of constantly going hyper nor laughing non-stop.
It's alot like xiuru's and weijie's situation i'd say. They need not have endless energy nor endless topics, they just need each other to walk home together. It's honestly enough. Just simple holding of hands, maybe a hug and goodbye kiss, and its enough. On the bus, a shoulder to lean on...beats having someone that talks endlessly just to break silence. In the shopping mall, just need someone there beside you walking around is more than enough.

It's really very simple love. Just in each other's heart, we had each other. We knew how much we loved each other, and we need not constantly keep saying it either. We need not have any ridiculous PDAs just to show others that we were in love.
You were as quiet as Weijie, even though in your own social circle that you were sometimes hyperactive, sometimes talkative and hot-tempered towards your friends. But once you turned to me, it was so different. You were calm and cool, you never raised your volume at me. You didn't have to talk much honestly. At most in the bus, we'd listen to music from your psp, and lip-sync to the song. Jason Mraz, Lucky. I'd always sing the girl's part, while you'd sing the guy's. We need not have techno, heavy metal or any energetic music to keep the things going.

You always spoke to me in a very sweet voice that always melted me. You'd look at me with those eyes that told me 'you are my only one'. Sometimes, even the smallest 'I miss you' could make me cry. We'd hold each others hands at the back of the bus and sometimes one of us would blush. I'm really happy for Xiuru and Weijie for their happy relationship, because I know how it feels to have one. It feels so blessed, so fortunate. It is a peaceful relationship, no quarrels, not much disagreements. It was perfect in our case, totally perfect.

Our relationship. We NEVER had a cold war even our relationship was for years. We'd have disagreements at times, but we'll solve it. When you did things that made me angry, I'd emo and you'd catch it immediately. You'd then ask me what's wrong, and 'did i do something wrong? tell me!'. And i'd tell you after that, which i'd melt after you always gave an apologetic face with a 'i'm so sorry!' I'd even hug you at times and say that i never blamed you, and in fact sometimes i even thought that it was me being oversensitive.
Sometimes, even though we gave in to each other so much, but we'll NEVER bring it up again. We'd never bring unhappy stuffs up in our disagreements. We'd never be too stubborn on something, and no matter what...we'd find a consensus. We'll both end up saying sorry, even if it ain't our fault.

Whenever you were sick, I wish I was the one sick instead. Seeing you having those horrid headaches, made me feel so useless. I'd just let you hug me to sleep, hoping that me being beside you would aid somehow. It'd work sometimes :X We'd have alot of fun too :/
It's over, its all gone. No more...

No more nice quiet walks with a man of few words, yet with deep feelings. No more large warm hands to hold, that would tell me that 'No one will bully you, I'm here'. No more passionate hugs and kisses that represented 'I'm glad I have you. And I'm glad you have me'. No more shoulders to lean that said 'Go ahead and sleep. I'll tell you when it's time to alight'.

Nothing is left now. I'm to adapt to the new surroundings. Being alone without anyone to complain to. Today at CO practice, I was so pissed, so angry, so depressed over the music. I wanted to just tell someone about it, and be consoled. I tried two people, but it didn't work. One said that I was bad, the other laughed at my sms. Oh well, can't really blame you two also. (: After all, who am I to you all? Just a friend only what.
I'd remember that if you were the one, you'd call me immediately, being worried about me. Would console me, and tell me to focus on other more important stuffs, like thinking of him. :/ Sometimes if you were beside me, you'd just drag me over to a small corner where we'd have our private time alone. We'd talk it all out, and after a warm hug and kiss topped with your silly smile that never fails to make me smile, i'd be fine surely.

Oh well, no matter how much I complain here, no matter how much i yearn for everything to be back, it will never...i mean, NEVER happen again. I'm convinced that you'll never love me again. What did I do wrong? How am I inferior to the other guy you like? I loved you with my heart, with my soul. You promised me, that we'll be forever. We promised to have each other. You were so close to me, as though it was just a minute ago. I can still remember your warm hands and how it felt. Your hug that my head could only reach your shoulders. You'd even carry me from your kitchen to your room randomly because I was just too tired to walk sometimes. I'd sit beside the basketball court watching you play basketball, and smile whenever you scored. and also smiled whenever you missed too. You'd occasionally turn to me and smile, as I gave you the 'jiayou jiayou' handsign. I was the only one at the side watching you.

Okay, it really hurts. The pain is SUPPOSED to go away in time right? All I can say, its getting deeper. I went to stalk someone's facebook and viewed photos of him and his boyfriend's photos, which only made me cry more. It fucking hurts, when I see those neoprints we took, those intimate (YES PRIVATE ONES that you all cannot see) photos, and worse of all...chat logs. I can't take it anymore, I almost...and I meant it, I almost wanted to hug yizhan korkor today. But it's difference. Though you were of similar height, but your build was larger. Your hands were larger, your smile was more assuring, and your voice was more mellow. You spoke so little. I...miss you.

P.S.: argh, I can go on for 10k words essay about what we've done so much, I still remember so much of it. But it'll never, never be here for me again. I've lost it, because you chose to leave me. Where on earth you do not love me anymore after the trip? Our love was so strong. Maybe, you just got sick of me. After all, I am...your didi maybe...all the while?

2010-06-15T23:27:00.002+08:00

Yawns, hello all.

Tired from classes. Had CME class today, was quite boring, almost fell asleep. Left early for ruan lesson though. Learnt how to play Yunnan 2nd Movement properly. (: and brushed up on 3rd movement. Alot more to learn! Alot more to practice. I'm hungry, for ruan. Very hungry.

I wanna play gao yin ruan (WAITING TO GET BACK FROM JOEL xD), and probably play some interesting liuqin pieces. (: now i've been practicing on xiao ruan, but not as shuang as gao yin ruan lah (: Hope to play more zhongruan too, get my solos more smoothly of course! hahaha, liuqin too, although i dont really fancy the instrument much, but still must practice! (: Alot more to learn, thirsty for knowledge and skills, but more importantly, thirsty for playing ruan. :X

Oh anyway, I'm trying my best not to get this post into an emo post! :X spoke a little to shanshan just now lah! Brought up some concepts which allow me to come to this day as a ruanner, a passionate learner.
As musicians I think we should be humble lah. Always be open to constructive criticisms, and don't be bothered too much by just plain insults. Whenever someone says you are in wrong in some song, ask for a way to improve it. Don't go around emo-ing that you suck, or go around PMS-ing that somebody noober than you...criticised you. No point lah, so much angsty, so much dislike...whats the point.

We also shouldn't be too proud lah (: Never think you are too good. Be humble, like i mentioned. Even if we really do so awesome in a certain piece, head forward to the next piece and another, and more and more. Instead of just going 'oh, i rock at this piece, and i'm only gonna play it. to hell for the other pieces that i cant play.' thats quite a negative attitude in my viewpoint ): We should learn even though its tough. If we complain that the song is too tough, and we don't work hard to learn it, we'll never improve. We have to be patient, be hardworking. (:

Last but not least, we shouldnt be too inferior on ourselves also lah. Always think we ownself lousy, ownself cannot make it, yet dont try. Our standard will then be stagnant, and never improve. Damn sad lah :/ Because we always wanna be as good as those really good musicians out there. (: so we should adopt good attitude mahhhhh :X

YEAP, that'll be the end of my 'musical' post. (: end off with a nice video for you all! nights people!

2010-06-12T23:48:00.004+08:00

My blog, is filling up with so much sadness after january 2010. After we broke up, I can never smile truthfully from my heart. Within everything I smile now, there is still sadness within. I cannot smile anymore, I cannot laugh non-stop anymore.

I can never forget how happy I was whenever I felt bored, and will get a random sms from you in class. I'd melt whenever you said I Love You, Precious. How we webcammed because we missed each other so much. Even if we depart for just an hour, we'd start smsing each other because we miss each other.

In the bus, it was so nice, to have you beside me, as I leaned towards you, feeling your warm arm and mellow voice. Even though you are a man of few words, but the words were enough for me, in fact more than enough. I'd look at your without turning away whenever you weren't looking. And when you are looking, I'd look into those eyes of yours, through those spectacles that fit perfectly with you.

I remember I rushed off after Reflections 2009 last year, because you came and I went home with you. I was so happy, that you came to watch, and I was more happy that I could go home with you in the bus. (: It was so warm-hearted, I felt without worries, and all I felt, was happiness and nothing negative.

You were my everything, you were...my smile. Everything I'd do, even if anything went wrong, I'd still smile because I knew that you were there. Whenever I'd go bonkers and stressed over CO, I'd surely call you and chat with you, whether in the train, at Sembawang waiting for bus, or at a fastfood restaurant where I'd go out to talk to you on the phone. You would always call me at the typical 10+pm timing because you were so worried about me. You'd sms me everyday no matter what, especially at night after the tiring day.

Your love was so delicate, precise and meticulous. You went to the finest details, everything...just to make me happy. I was really very happy. You'd stand up for me whenever people bullied me. You'd hug me so tightly whenever I was so tired and rested on your bed. It felt so comfortable, to be embraced in your large warm arms. We'd go out to movies and outings, and had so much fun. Many hangouts around singapore, we've went. Lot 1, IMM, Dhoby, Bishan, AMK, Northpoint, Vivo, Tampines, and even Sembawang Shopping Centre. I still remembered, I only had around 2hours of free time, and we missed each other so much. So we decided to meet at SSC for that short duration, hang out a short while, and then off we went.

I could never forget, that because we missed each other so much, even if it was just a half-hour, you'd still come down to northpoint to meet me, and wait for my bus home. In fact, there are so many times, you'd sit the bus home with me. I felt so blessed, so fortunate to have you, and I treasured everything you did, everything of you. You'd even come to my school to meet me, even though it required half hour to come. You'd also wait at causeway point to meet me, and sometimes we'd catch a movie or a meal there! I remember, Sakae Sushi at CWP. Was really awesome. (: The romantic Jack's Place on valentine's (if i'm not wrong :X). Swensens at NP! The japanese food court too! :D hehehe.

I can't let go, I can't forget. In fact, without all these, I feel so empty. My bus trips home are cold and lonely, without anyone beside me, nor anyone to sms sweetly. My hp inbox is empty now, and I don't have any smses from you to review anymore. I'd always smile at the smses you sent me, and kept them. I even opened a private blog to keep all those smses, because my inbox was full. Now when I return to my chat log and look at what you said in the past, I'd cry so much and longed for everything again.
I have nobody to hug in comfort anymore, nobody to sms without worry, nobody to rush to meet. My heart would pump whenever I went to meet you. Even if it was the 1000th time meeting you, I'd still dress uber nicely just for you.
Whenever I go shopping now, I find it totally meaningless. Because I used to shop for you, in search of stuffs to get for you, to pamper you, to shower you. I'd do anything for you, I'd change for you, I'd pon class for you, I'd spend my entire week's savings on you. I'd fly to tampines just to meet you. Watching a movie I dont like, eating something I dont fancy, learning a song you liked, staying up late just to talk to you, rushing home just to get a chance to talk to you. Now, I have none of these to do. I have no one to shower my love to. I have no one who'd shower his love on me. Life, has become so sad now that I do everything just for myself.

It has changed, the way I smile. I used to smile so much in photos, without having to force it out. I used to laugh at jokes without hesitation. I'd talk on msn with those emoticons everywhere, and I mean it. Unlike now, when I can just go 'wahahaha' or 'hehehehe' or (: or :D, but here I'm crying and can't bring myself to even smile.
I've lost this power, to be happy. I'd wait for smses everyday, for calls everyday in the past. My phone would ring so often. Your number was always the top in my 'recent contacts' list. And my inbox would be filled with your smses. My blogposts would be filled with our lingos, with the things we do. And whenever I went online, your user was the first I'd look for.

Now nothing. No calls, no smses, no happy blogposts. Now whenever I see your user on msn, I'd weep here, wondering why you didnt put the sweet msn nick meant for us. I'd think of the sweetest things to tell you, the most awesome poems to give you at night.
Even though we didn't talk much on the phone, but we'd still be on the phone for hours. We'd just hear each other's breath with a random question here and there. It was enough for me, to get to hear your breath. Even in real life at yours or my house, even if we dont talk much, I was just happy to be beside you. Even in the bus when we just stood there silent as we shared the earpiece, I was so fortunate to have someone sitting beside me, especially when its you.

Honestly, I've been searching, but no one can replace you. You are too special, there is no one who can be like you. You are so different from everyone I know, and that's why I loved you so much. And I was really happy you loved me so much too, although the love was short-lived and it stopped. It took us a hell of a long way to get to be together, but we still did it. Anniversaries, we'd always celebrate. Valentine's too, our birthdays too.
You are just so special, irreplacable. If anyone could be as awesome as you, I'd fall for that person at first sight. But that's impossible, because you are just the nicest person I know, even though you don't show it much.

My beloved deardear darling precious boyfriend, do you remember this lingo of ours? When you called me baby baobei precious boyfriend too? I still remember, and I still love you. *hugs tightly and muacks*, hais...

We've reached a point of no return, as least for me. I can't get out of this love, although I believe you've already done so, and have fallen for another, and I'm here at square one doing nothing but mourning over lost stuffs that I can never get back.

P.S.: This mask, has been on since we broke up. I show this mask to everyone, and whenever I'm alone, I'd take this mask off, and cry it out. Because behind this 'happy' and 'cheerful and energetic' mask, lies a 'sad and lonely' and 'emotionless and restless' randal.

2010-06-05T22:38:00.002+08:00

OH HEY PEOPLE (: lets see, recently have been quite busy uh, but trying to make time for myself. Finally today got to sleep in although i was terrified by a nightmare and woke up at 3am before having my mum console me to sleep xD the ridiculous nightmare was about millipedes -.-"

Lets see, yesterday was a great day! Had decent progress in FYP, as we've finally recorded some stuffs, and shall be recording everything on monday! (: hohoho, hope cass and joel will enjoy the time there too! Hehe!!! (:

Went to BCO after that, was fun though no practice. (: had a short meeting along with a chance to get to know everyone there. I bet I saw jonlin somewhere before, but I forgot where. She saw me before too xD interesting!

I'm not sure of what to say here! Because I'm so afraid that if I talk about love, this post is gonna be so uber emo! :/ I don't want that!!! (: I wanna be happy, at least I'll do my best.

A random poem, and I confess that my poem-writing skills are deproving drastically! ):

Singapore Poly's Chinese Orchestra, fun as ever.
So fun and happy, nothing could be better.
After the concert, I didn't wanna leave, never.
I wish I could have stayed there forever!

Delightful people there, let's name a few.
YiQing, Jeremy, Anson, JiaJia, Ruiping, phew!
Many more of course, but if I went on, I wouldn't end even till morning dew.
I'm just thankful to have everyone, all in heart and view.

Hope to perform with everyone again really soon.
We'd sometimes laugh over some stuffs like crazy baboons!~
But we had so much fun there, was totally over the moon.
Because of the cup of friendliness, dash of smiles, pinch of concern, and care in a teaspoon.

(: thanks for the memories.

2010-06-03T15:32:00.002+08:00

hello people once again (:

recently after SPCO's concert ain't much a breather for me because FYP's suffocating me (: along with RPCO's practice too! Though tiring, but at least its fun somehow! :D Somebody asked for my number! :X And I'm waiting for him to initiate by smsing me or something, because the clever me forgot to take his number ._. whoops! xD he's cute, but blur though! :X

Yeap, I ain't home now, and supposed to be doing some other productive stuffs, and I'm here blogging! Oh dear oh dear, such slackiness from this mouse! :/ yawns. But yeap, hope everyone's enjoying their holidays. I may be creating vlogs soon, maybe, just maybe. (: Probably posting them here. Haha! Although I predict that if my family members walk past my room, they'll hear me talking to myself on the laptop and be freaked out by it! xD so fun! HAHA!

Working hard to get some things done here. So I'll see you all around soon! Remember to enjoy the holidays while you can. The others, jiayou for your exams! :D

P.S.: After reading my blog, you have been cold towards me. Was it wrong for me, to say how much I loved you? You were my boy, the boy I loved, and still loving. Can you, don't treat me like this. It hurts so much. ): Eventhough I was more or less the one that was hurt badly, I never treated you coldly. So what did I do, that deserve, this treatment?

I love you, deardear, still.

2010-05-31T22:45:00.003+08:00

back to blog again (: i'm being very open about these stuffs nowadays okay? :D HAHA!

Oh anyway roy, yeah. (: i wont think of anything beyond brothers :D hahaaa, you be my korkor, i'm more than happy luh! HAHA! (: stay cool korkor. and cheer up!

Recently SPCO's performance's over, glad the show was a success more or less, though i made a huge load of mistakes! ): but on the other hand, i'm really frowning over the fact that i wont get to see alot of people. lets see, i shall name a few (:

yi qing: Really glad to have met you (: thanks alot. Hope to see you soon ): and take care overseas!
jeremy: one of the nicest yet greatest pipa players around (: hehe! hope to see you soon too!
anson: a crazy guy (: always flirting around, grrr. but still, nice guy! great on yangqin.
ruiping: quite stressed up huh. poor ruiping. hope to see you soon (: maybe can play ruan duet next time.
jiajia: great liuqin buddy. always laugh at each other when we make mistakes! xD
chris yong: mad guy (: but fun to be with, hope to see you soon~!

alot of other nice people there too lah! (: like yishan, mervyn, ziyi, wilson, desmond, weishan, ekjun, vick, zomzom, kingchi, victoria, tan ting, justin and many many more lah (: too many to be named! nice people out there! I'm glad i know all of them :D

family at CO! okay, vick not counted! :X love cass and joel. :D

yeap! now back to normal life. had ruan lesson today, and learnt more of yunnan huiyi! (: yippee! i'm starting to love my old ruan instead of my new -.-" oh dear, what is the world turning to! first i decide to come out of the closet about being gay, next about me going gaga over some guys, and next i dislike my new ruan. LOL! :X mymymy! :/

haha yeap. (: I'll be going off now. take cares people, and better enjoy the holidays while we can! (FOR RP MATES) :X as for the others, i presume its exams and jiayou (: all the best!

P.S.: Was it a mistake, that we are still in contact of each other? But i still cannot forget you. I love you, still. And of course, imy my boy.

2010-05-27T12:28:00.002+08:00

LOL!!! Super bored in class, here to blog (: heheeee

hello people once again. now my viewership has reduced drastically to less than 20 people i'd say! :D but i'm still fine with it, and will try to blog as frequent as possible :/
Heard that today will watch some lame 1941 drama film :/ but oh well, i am actually intending to partial, but still deciding! :X heheeee.

Roy's really nice, and I don't deny that I may soon be liking him. He called me mouse-chan! *squeaks* :X heheee, super cute luhh. he wears neko-mimi (aka Cat Ears). hahaaa, such madness from him. Now just waiting and observing, to wonder whether he gender bends :X whoops!

Oh not to forget, these few days is the mad SPCO chionging sessions :X needa work hard! the only song i'm still dying in, is farandole's last page. Everything else is fine though! :D heheeee, was practically sight-reading xin hun bie yesterday :X fun!

Okays, yeaps that'll be all, see you all soon :D take cares people and remember to have fun during holidays (for RP students only) LAST DAY OF SCHOOL TODAY, woohoo!! ^^ heheeeee.

P.S.: Do you still bother? I still wear your clothes, remembering your hug. I wish, we were still, together. I still, love you.

2010-05-24T22:00:00.003+08:00

Randal has tried to love honestly. Tried to like.

The moments we had, although it ain't much, was really enjoyable. But I feel, it ain't myself much. I used to be much more submissive, much different. I am so sorry, things are turning out this way to say the truth.

Randal is a jerk for being insensible and insensitive to you.
Randal is being a bastard for not having the ability to return the love.
Randal is not being able...

To love you, as a lover.

This phrase is very familiar? Right? Yes, because someone told me before. Because of this, i cried for 4 months, and still counting. Because i loved someone so deeply, for so many years, and that person just changed after a trip overseas.
Because that person cannot feel strongly for me anymore. Because of this, I'm traumatised.

Yes, I'm gay, I'm loudly saying this because I've made the blog private. Only a few people can read this, and its enough.
You see, this is very simple in my mind actually, but i've made it so complicated. I have no illness but I've went to take medicine.

I like guys. My heart pump automatically when I see a shuai ge. Okay, anyone I invite is surely 18 and above. So I can say this...I watched porn before. I watched normal hetero ones and I just went, oh icic, scrolls down blah blah blah. But when its gay porn, you know. Different. But i'm just not obssessed with it because I think its lame to watch people having sex fakely just for money.

Okay next point. When i was with you last time, you know who. My heart would pump like mad, even if its the 100th time we've met up. even if its the 1000th time we met up!
Every shop I go in, I never NEVER think of myself first. I always think of you. What to get for you? What you like? Do you like chocolates? What kind? Oh this shirt looks great, you are XL size, I'll get one for you. Oh, orange is your favourite colour! I'll get that colour for you indeed!
Before we meet up, sometimes I'll get down early to look around. Remember how often you'll get chocolates or random gifts/treats from me? Ranging from bubble tea, to random snacks like crispy chicken etc. Then, i'll end up forgetting to get one for myself.

Even when we watch ANY movie, even if I hated the genre, even if I disliked the venue, I still go. Because i dont give a damn to what i think. I only care what you think, what you like. Remember fast and furious 3? I honestly felt extremely bored and fell asleep. Remember Ninja Assassin? I cried at the movie, because i HATED gore since the first day of my birth. but i still watched it with you, because you liked it. You always liked sweet popcorn remember? When to say the truth, I HATE popcorn and always eat so freaking little of it? Yet, I'd pay half of it just so that you can enjoy the luxury of eating it!
So much stuffs we did, because of you, and never cause of me. Honestly, thats how i treat guys. At least, thats how i treated you.

As for now, April. ): There's so much times in my life, I always care more for others than myself. Blame it that i'm freaking dependant in the past on my ex. More or less, without him, I'd die, kind of feeling. I tried liking you, treating you the same as I treated him. But no matter how hard I tried, it doesn't work out.

Can you believe it, in the past, because he's angry over a friend of mine, I'd cry. Like mad, hugging him and wetting his entire shirt with my tears. Just because he disliked this friend of mine and criticised her. I told him, dont angry, its not worth. He didnt listen and criticised more. Feeling helpless and useless, I broke down.
Yet in our case you see. I tried my best. You hated amon. Don't worry, I won't invite him here :X But yeah, I have no idea why I don't feel that much hatred. I just felt slightly disturbed only. It's different.

I can't bring myself to treat you the same. When i walked around NTUC today morning to search for stuffs to buy for you. I ended up buying juice and sweets for myself. It's totally wth. Really, I hated that I felt that way.
I was so thankful that you came down all the way to tampines to watch the opera show. But okay, I cant say it much because it hasn't happened, but if you asked me to go that far for something, I will go. But with a slightly unwilling mind. It's worlds apart from how i treated him, that I'll go automatically without him asking.

You see, the way you are treating me, is like how i treat him in the past. In other words, I was the girl that loved the guy deeply. Same as for you, the girl that loves me (the guy) deeply. The only weirdest thing is, I've been a 'girl' all the while. I can't change to be a 'guy'. I was trying, really hard. But it's not natural. You realised, when you asked how i felt when we held hands, I just realised i missed out something...happy.
When i first held his hand, I couldn't stop thinking of it. When i held his hand, i thought further, I wanna hug him. Then kiss him. Then i'll smile constantly for the entire time i was holding.

April, I think I'm freaking weak. I'm no guy. I'm not the guy for you. I don't deserve your care, your concern, your love. Because you treat me so well, but i cant treat you that well. I predict I'll either stay on the shelf waiting idiotically for some guy to fall for this ugly, stupid me...or I'll just give up on love, which I currently cant do.

I don't have the courage to say this on msn or anywhere else but here. April, I think after thinking so much...I believe I only like guys. I believe I can only like/love guys automatically without a need of a push. I'm really sorry, I dont deserve your xi xin-ness. I'm really very thankful for you liking me. For you, to have liked me...considering in my life, not much people actually liked me this much. I still dont know, what you like in me. What others (you know who) likes in me.

The tears roll endlessly as I keep reproaching myself for being such a bastard. But sorry April, I believe I will have to disappoint you. I can't bring myself to be as straightforward as joyce, because that just ain't me. Because I DO NOT like to hurt people. but wth, i'm doing it now. -.-" okay, april. I'm sorry. I know there's someone out there who'll love you and treasure you much more than i do.

You said you are content to know and find out that there's a gentle guy like me out here. I'm glad you've gotten some confidence back in love, and I believe there are really such guys like me, out there. I've seen some bfs of my friends, being very nice. Equally nice or maybe even nicer than me. Honestly april, I'm not as nice as how i usually treat my loves. It's unimaginable, I'd do technically ANYTHING for them. So sorry april.

Omg, long winded i sure am. But ultimately, I thank you april, for giving me this chance to realise myself, to know myself more. Like i said, after each relationship, we learn something. Thanks april, really thanks :) I hope you will be able to find your true happiness, that you can love the person much, and the person can love you back even more.

But yes, I only like guys.

2010-05-20T20:29:00.003+08:00

OH DEAR ME! :( I've been missing for a total of 13 days :/ I'm so sorry for being absent from blogger for such a long time! Been really really busy nowadays, plus tired too! :/ hehe, but I think it's about time to clear the dust here!

How's life you'd ask? So-so I guess! :) Have some nice classmates to hang out with at times, dear RPCO mates to hang out with too! Hang out with April in the morning for breakfast and some piano playing before going to class usually :D quite a good start of each day that more or less motivates us to go class. :) Although we always ask ourselves 'I wish I can stay here and play piano whole day without going class!' HAHA! I wish!

Recently been going SPCO quite alot because performance is in a few days. :) Quite okay with the songs except for Farandole's 3rd page. Oh god, the mere thought of the mad speed! *hits forehead and faint* Had nice food at SP's koufu with Joel and some SPCO mates. Nice place (better than RP's for sure :/) hehe! Look forward to erm, trying out more food next week probably! :D

As for love, that I'd have to put aside for now. Even though our relationship was over for about 4 months, but you never left my heart. I still dream of you quite alot :/ Even though I tell myself so much, that loving you does not mean having you, I can't bring myself to accept this reality, till today. I can't bring myself to love another as of yet, only infatuation, eye-candies and maybe just mere liking. After our broke up, I did try to move on with another, but it ended even before it started. Another blow indeed to me ._. Why is it, so easy to love, but so hard to be loved back?
Until today, even though there's so much laughter and smiles in my life, but there's so much agony, loneliness and pain in my heart. Do you still tear, for me? I doubt you do anymore. Because I'd say with a conscious mind, I'm tearing much more than I used to, because of you.

People tell me "Those who make you cry, aren't worth crying for. When someone is worth crying for, that person won't make you cry." Cry cry cry, is that all you can do, Randal? Such a weakling. After a chat with someone today, (and meeting her coincidentally in the library! okay, out of point), I cried in the bus on the way home. People stared, and yes they did, in awe. Even the girl beside me offered me tissue ._. this is so ridiculous. Even the public pities me.

So yeap, that's about it for me. I still wake up each morning, look at myself in the mirror as I put on my mask to school or out, and that will surely continue until the day comes when I can really, forget you. Because no matter how much sorry to say, how apologetic you feel...I can always forgive, but I can never, ever forget. Thanks for you have loved me, but that love, has ended. At least, on your end.

P.S.: You always talk to me so much about him. If I could be anyone in this world, I'd be him, so you could love me too.

2010-05-07T16:00:00.003+08:00

Oh my god! :X i sincerely apologise for being missing for so long! I really think I should blog more often :X if not soon, i'll lose my dear loyal readers! heheee :D

Recently the dear fresh meat of RPCO has entered :D some really nice people, and some not so nice people! but either way, I did try to give equal treatment :/ hehe! Have some delightful zhongruan juniors who apparently are quite interested :D Hope they will go far, although I kinda doubt my own ability as a guide :X either way, I think they are nice lah. heheee.

Went to SPCO yesterday again :) Was slightly boring when practicing Ji Shen, because it ended up quite like a sectional instead of a combined practice. :/ Was rotting there when Mr Lee was teaching the huqin people. :X Was fun playing Farandole, although it was at a nightmarish speed of i suppose, 180+bpm? LOL! :D saw familiar faces. Jeff, Weixiang, the yangqin girl from BBCC, Jeremy and girlfriend, Chris, Hsien Han, Hsien Hean, and some others. :) Some people at there, I don't really fancy much too, but it's too early to say anything. :X

Had a really fun class today :D built a zither, using guitar and violin strings. cool indeed. :D had a delightful time with april and joycelyn and this other malay guy who's really good at his stuffs. Apologise for forgetting your name D: anyway, finished class really early and off home after a short meal with some RPCO peeps. :) hehe! Practicing qin now hahaaa :D so i better get going now! See you all!

P.S.: Heart goes *thump thump thump*. Cassandra bullies me! D:

2010-05-02T22:57:00.002+08:00

Again a short disappearance act from blogger recently! :X Busy as a bee I'd say!

Recently passed the RPCO small performance called Arts Platter. :) Was fun performing, although I didn't like playing yangqin D: *yawns* either way, was fun. :D Was shocked at the turn-up amount of 50 people LOL ._. i went wth HAHA :X but who really cares! :X

Yesterday went out with some people to SAJC's performance. :D Had a crazy day with them. Went bugis with intention to go Eason, but because it was Labour Day, it was closed. -.-" silly me to suggest going there! haha :X After which is a hangout session at city hall. :D then off to the show. Saw familiar faces along the way there, some BBCC people. Was quite okay the performance. Claps to yangqin czardas. :D the dong hai was quite messy, but still okay. same for other pieces. Got minor mistakes here and there. :/ had dinner at mac and off home. :D

Today was a day at BBCC! played Mambo 5. Kinda boring song to me actually :/ Played Mandolin Concerto RV425 on liuqin. hehe :D super fun! Had a nice meal at BBCC, then off to Eason. Got some strings, saw Hsien Hean and Kenny there. :) such a coincidence, they were there choosing drumsticks. Bused home after that. :D

Okay, tomorrow there's school! D: oh nooo! I hope it will be fine! Thanks for reading people! :D

2010-04-27T23:41:00.002+08:00

Pictures speak a thousand words don't they? Here we go.

2010-04-26T14:30:00.002+08:00

Wrong place, wrong time to blog! :X but i'm still blogging! HAHA

In Creative Media Enterprise class, and its as bad as the CME in secondary school! ._. boring and dry topics day by day T.T I feel like partialling class but I can't be such a bad boy! :X

Haha. :D Oh well, anyway :D post an interestingly cute picture! :X

2010-04-25T21:16:00.011+08:00

As we choose this path of music, the going may get tough and hard.
We often get so engrossed while playing music, people may think we are retards!
Hoping the passion will never melt like a snowy ice shard.
Hoping that we all persevere, no matter what mistakes we made (having to face the red card!)

Instruments are the avenue for us to express our emotions.
Because we speak little, as though we've been muted by some potion.
Every note we play, is with a purpose and intention.
I'm glad, music is life's best creation.

So work hard we shall, as we read along the 5 lines of stave.
We'd put music on our necessity list, a must have!
So that we can enjoy, along with everyone else around us.
And blow everyone's mind off, like a powerful gust.

omg D: really bad written poem! ._. i think the sentences dont make sense much! rawrrr :X i hope i'll do better tomorrow! HAHA :X

2010-04-25T20:47:00.006+08:00

Hello all! :D Today feeling slightly better but still trying lah :X

Sadly, only wenshan and i went to BBCC today :X yikhung, linzi and weijie could'nt make it sadly! D: had a really decent chat with mr ronald tan. :D appreciate his concern for the members of RPCO and hope that we can just be happy playing music at RPCO, without having to worry, fret and pressurized by ridiculous TRCC and CAP. :) Thanks laoshi! ^^

Played some interesting song, with a xylophone soloist. :D didn't die fortunately because it was treble clef. :X Alto clef, I'd doubt my ability. :/ hehe ^^ had lunch with wenshan and chatted alot. :D I'd say she's my great tan bo buddy too, of course with cassandra and justina too! 1 yq, 1 pipa, 1 lq and me, 1 ruan. :D best combo man! :X

A random photo taken while waiting for wenshan at coffee bean.

2010-04-25T00:27:00.003+08:00

The leaves rustle as I hear your voice faintly in my head.
The cold wind blows by, as cold as our feelings have fade.
We seem to have separated for so long, seemed like a decade.
As I weep and cry, on this cold lonely bed.

Rekindle the love, I doubt it'll happen.
After the break up, our moods have dampen.
I thought maybe I could have strengthened.
But deep inside, its only 'saddened'

No matter how we speak, online in particular.
You and your skin seems so far, like you have thick fur.
Even with the kindest tone, happiness ain't ensured.
Because it will never be the same, its still so cold. *burrr*

So I'd admit, I still love you dearly.
I wish and deceive myself, so foolishly.
That there may be a chance someday, we may get together happily.
But for now, it seems like eternity.

I miss you and those times, deardear. I miss calling you that, I miss your warm hugs, your everything. D:

2010-04-25T00:21:00.002+08:00

hello all :) back again.

Not really very good mood yet :/ but i'll try my best to blog well and normal! :X

Tomorrows BBCC :D its been a really long time since i went there, i think almost a month already. :) Wonder how everyone is! BBCC, the only orchestra which i can play zhongruan at, so far :X haha! Happy to be able to play it there, :D after all, the songs there aint really tough also! As long as its fun! hehe!

Okay, i'm supposed to go to sleep. But before that, i'll post a picture that explains my emotions now :/

yeap, so okay :) Off to sleep. nights people!

2010-04-23T21:58:00.002+08:00

Hello all! Fair mood today, still daydreaming as usual ._.

Would like to share 10 things to consider and think about. This article is being shared by my friend April. :D Thanks alot! By the way, the original is in chinese, so i translated to english for the benefit of everyone. :D Please forgive me if my translation is inaccurate!

1) There is no such thing as 100% other half, but 50% pair.

2) One who contributes with sincerity will then get sincerity in return, but will be at risk of being hurt horribly. One who keeps a distance is a form of self-protection, but will ensure forever loneliness.

3) Usually those willing to stay behind and fight/quarrel with you, are the people that really love and care.

4) Sometimes its not that he/she doesn't treat you importantly, but because you put them too high a position in your heart.

5) Being cold at times is not being heartless, but is a shield against possible hurt.

6) If there is a distance of 1000steps between the both of us, you just have to take one step forward. And I will walk towards your direction, the other 999 steps.

7) Those gloating over your sadness, are enemies. Those glad over your happiness are friends. Those who mourn over your sadness, are the people worth putting in your heart.

8) In every 'believe', there is a 'lie'.

9) True friends dont have to chat aimlessly on endless topics, but instead, would not feel awkward even if both kept silent.

10) Friends are those that are being exposed by you, but still like you.

2010-04-21T22:59:00.003+08:00

Hello all. Okay, not really much in a mood to blog but still as per normal blogging. :/

Hmms, today was SLA first day. Not bad, around 20 plus people signed up. Considering that there will be another day tomorrow, hopefully we can attain 40 people in total. Ah whatever :/ I'll bluntly say this, I really appreciate meeting so much great friends in RPCO, having fun in practices and performances, but too much has happened. I'm sorry, I may be leaving, very soon.

Thanks Shuzhen, for being such a nice friend. One of the closest people i'm with in RPCO. Always go crazy, joking around. Sharing woes and worries, troubles and joys. I'm glad, I met you. I'm really glad.
Thanks WenShan, for always being there beside me, especially in CO practices. Always making my CO practice with much life. A great friend, a great companion, a great person.
Thanks Yikhung. I really appreciate it, that you can listen to all my ridiculous rantings at times. And we always share ideas about CO. I think you will go great in future, jiayous.
Thanks Justina. Sometimes we do have alot of disagreements, alot of unhappiness. But we always make up, and then have a good laugh after that. A great yangqin partner, a kind innocent girl.
Thanks MeiLing. Though sometimes you aren't really regular for CO practices, but I know you are a nice kind person. Swear straight from my heart. Thanks for being, such a great friend.
Thanks Jeff. Dont really know you much lah, dont talk much either. But last time when i first became president, you helped me alot. Really appreciate it, thanks so much.
Thanks WeiJie. Always joking around with you also. Fun person, always playing cool CO songs together. Look forward to seeing you in other COs in future.
Thanks Cassandra. Although sometimes we bully each other, but we dont mean it at all. It's just a weird way we communicate. Either way, it doesn't matter because what matters, is both of us are happy.
Thanks Joel. Always so kind and patient, although we have our limits. Really friendly and kind person, deep from the heart. Really a great friend, a noble person. Both good in erhu, and good at heart.
Thanks Hsien Hean and Gavin. Both very funny people. One extro, one intro. Sometimes really playful, but thats how people have fun definitely. Told you all alot about my life, and glad to have done it. Thanks alot.
Thanks Jason. Not really close also loh, but always joking around like mad at CO. Brightens up my day occasionally. Thanks.
Thanks ShuYan. We also don't really know each other. But you are a really funny girl. Quite blur, but that marks innocence and purity. You are definitely a nice person. I'm glad, i knew you.

Phew, long speech loh. Sorry people but I don't think I'll stay. I'm getting overly bothered, too much stuffs. We can hang out at other orchestras ba. I need a break, from all this. Stop this. I want to focus on my RP diploma, my zhongruan diploma, and my life. TRCC is giving too much problems. I survived one year, alot of independence, alot of stress. Sorry. I will go.

Sorry, Randal sucks right? so selfish, to jump boat? so selfish to leave all of you in RPCO as i run first? Yes, i suck. and its big time.

2010-04-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

Hello all :) I'm trying my best to type this post in my bestest mood ._. although its somewhat impossible. Shaken by too much stuffs today, sorry.

Firstly is TRCC. Having requested for 4 microphones since weeks ago, i have already expected to see microphones today. Not all 4 is okay, but at least 2. :) Yet, when we went on stage, we weren't given a single microphone. Having us to do all the manual labour, with our instruments in hand. Carry chairs, music stands, this is ridiculous. After which zaini commented that our transitions took too long, and blamed us for it .__. such a false accusation. After which, the acoustics was crap. With such an open venue, we wanted to just get a simple good sound from each instrument. 4 microphones, the most basic of all, considering that our orchestra is small. None, not even one ._. attempted to negotiate with kavitha, and was in the end, criticised by zaini in front of all. LOL ==" he said he didn't like working with us? if we didn't like the way trcc works, we can always open shop elsewhere. so be it, we shall ._. don't mind me, but fuck you hypocritical bastard. to think you went to apologise to yh and shuz after that. =="

Next is not anger lah. :) Phew, take a deep breath Randal! This is probably about love life again lah D: ah ya, somethings dont really work out much. Was talking to April about this. Always envying people, seeing them so happy with their bf/gf, and I know I'll never get it. Okay, I got it before, but it never lasted. That sucked more D: Seeing others holding hands, kissing, hugging with such security, warmth and assurance. Having each other no matter what the world throws at them, they do their very best to give happiness to one another. They'd do anything to bring that smile to each other. Their hearts pump when they see each other, but mysteriously feel extremely comfortable when with each other. These smiles, these laughter, these warmth...I'll never, never get.

Things don't always work out the way we want it. Try so hard, for what? Not everything works out. In the end, we end up getting hurt. We end up getting so fucking painful, this heart. I gave a piece of my heart to each person i've liked before, i've loved before...and now i see so many holes in my heart. Because no one ever returns that heart to be. They take it away, and don't put their own piece in mine. Is this selfishness, or am I just asking too much? :/ I'm destined bah, to be lonely, to die alone in this world. Born without siblings is bad enough, born with parents that neglect me is bad enough, born with friends that always take advantage, bully and chuck me aside is bad enough. Now love is playing tricks on me? ._. i'm trying to keep my cool already, but soon i'm going to break down. Yes, very soon.

Okay, all in all, Randal sucks. This world sucks, love sucks. I don't trust it, I don't believe it. At least in my context, in my way of life, it'll never come true. This love story, will never begin. Bye. Oh wait, i forgot to add. I'm fucking weak.

P.S.: Sorry for thinking too much. I'll try to be a great friend to you, but I'm sorry, it will be tough. :/

2010-04-19T19:26:00.002+08:00

Hello all :D back to school again this week *yawns* Started the week with a boring module ._. i do not like business at all. still got 'creative media enterprise'? LOL! as boring as the CME in secondary school can. :X fortunately got some interesting and hospitable team members, if not i'll so be dozing off! LOL :X Tomorrow will be a day of Improvisation?! Haha, look forward to the module but not the facilitator D: rawrrr. i bet its gonna be some PE lesson in the first hour tomorrow! ._. Would like to share with you all a very meaningful song. Introduced by xuankai laoshi. :D hehe!
I'm a little boy with glasses The one they call the geek A little girl who never smiles 'Cause I've got braces on my teeth And I know how it feels To cry myself to sleep I'm that kid on every playground Who's always chosen last A single teenage mother Tryin' to overcome my past You don't have to be my friend But is it too much to ask Don't laugh at me Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same Someday we'll all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me I'm the cripple on the corner You've passed me on the street And I wouldn't be out here beggin' If I had enough to eat And don't think I don't notice That our eyes never meet I lost my wife and little boy when Someone cross that yellow line The day we laid them in the ground Is the day I lost my mind And right now I'm down to holdin' This little cardboard sign...so Don't laugh at me Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same Someday we'll all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all Don't laugh at me Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same Someday we'll all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me

the lyrics are meaningful indeed. do listen when you all have the time! :D hehe! okay off i go, got work to do! :X stay cool people! oh, yes i had lovely chocolate today. :D bravo to bitter 80% dark choco!

2010-04-18T22:03:00.004+08:00

Today once again, another day of CO :D Sundays always rock big time!

Went over to the east for Ms Ding's ruan ensemble practice. :D missed last week's practice. :X now this week having been transferred to xiao ruan, it was fun too! Fortunately Cassandra was with me. Sight-read all the way. Was basically playing Xun and some fun songs too! :D had some interesting mian ban hitting like Pai Gu Xiang Long. :D Was transferred to zhongruan for a short while for that song though D: hehe, fun at zhongruan too! In total, love ruan! :X hehe!

Ms Ding then invited us to Lin Ji Liang's master class at joo chiat. :D oh lets see. some ridiculous stuffs happened along the way! :X we were split into two groups, one to go Ms Ding's house to take some CDs and books, the other group to go directly to the venue! 2 other guys, cassandra and i were along the 'go-to-venue' group. :D so we took a cab down, as i put my ruan in the boot! Guess what, when i alighted, i forgot to take my ruan out! Total craziness man, to think i forgot to take it out .__. kinda panicked a little, as Cassandra called for the cab man to come back. Fortunately had a receipt, if not...there goes my 1k+ :X hehe! crazy incident!

the one on top is the extra cost we had to pay to ask the cab driver back! LOL :X

At Prof. Lin's master class, saw some big names at there. :D from SYCO, ruan people as usual! :X not to mention any names. Haha! :D he was a very humble and nice guy honestly. Played along with one of his students (Think its Liu Bo) :X Really good, although there were many mistakes D: the essence was still there though, raw from the composer. :D He played several familiar tunes like Yu Zhou Chang Wan, Song Feng Han, Si Lu Tuo Ling. Bravo! My favourite Man Jiang Hong too of course! :X lovely! Got autograph on his book and also had his CD. *claps!*

i like his ruan! :X very cool!

When teacher meets student! :D

notice, a very interesting tan pian near the bridge? :X thats the tan pian mr lin was using! interesting indeed!

Was really far though D: Bedok, had to take a direct bus which took me around an hour to reach yishun :X LOL! either way, the trip wasn't wasted! And, i had bus concession anyway. :P okayokay! that'll be all people! :D hehe hope you all had a nice weekend. Stay cool and rest early! Nights!

2010-04-17T21:12:00.002+08:00

After 5 days, I just remembered, I had a blog! LOL :X so i'm back here to blog. Having seen 5 days of dust (and i bet i'm not the only one seeing it!). Oh well! :/

Okay okay! :D school has reopened, wondering to rejoice or mourn though :X Either way, glad to have many familiar faces. Will definitely hang out more with asraf, april, joycelyn and shukhan. :D had decent discussions in class, along with good participation from everyone (including me of course!) :X and class ended really late :/ oh well!
Then off to SLA preview which was a total crappy situation. Time was wasted on waiting for the ridiculous TRCC staff, :/ had some constructive comments from Zaini, although the approach was considerably confrontational. :X hope that some day our performance will fully satisfy him! HAHA! :D jiayou RPCO!

Then cabbed down to PCO. :) Tired, rawrrr D: almost dozed off in the cab can! was quite late :/ plus, venue was enclosed and non-airconditioned. I went, 'oh no! ._.' HAHA! :X tough time there with the ridiculous heat :/ tried my best to go around teaching though :D hehe, xuankai played pipa, and i felt quite helpless :X LOL! considering that i'm not trained in pipa :/ will learn some from cassandra soon :D hehe! probably playing ruan next week since the ruan people do really need some help. The liuqins were fine. haha :D

Yeap! Off home then after. Definitely a tired day. Tomorrow have to get down to Ms Ding's ruan ensemble! Anticipating, as usual! Two choices, I play xiaoruan there and leave Cassandra alone in zhongruan D: or let cassandra go xiaoruan, and I be alone at zhongruan D: oh no! :/ we'll see tomorrow. hehe :D

Okay, that'll be all for today! :) see you all around. Take care!

2010-04-11T22:56:00.003+08:00

Hello people! :D Back again! Late night blogging's fun (technically because I'm bored) HAHA! :X Oh well!

So yeap, today's a qing ming day! :) Went over as usual each year, but this year under the retarded afternoon heat :X was late HAHA! whoops! :) had a nice trip in uncle's lorry, wooh the wind :X almost blew my cap away ._. LOL!
totally shag and bored there as usual :X so i zi-lianed LOL okay, i know thats very thick skinned of me! :X but i was really bored! :X

realized that i'm looking older year by year! oh nooo ._. i don't want this to happen! :X i want to look younger at least! :X i'm so gonna spike a little hair :X and i better take care of my complexion too! LOL! i look horrid in this photo, omg ._. HAHA!

anyway! :X uber happy these few days :D so here to share with you all some nice music hehe! :D final fantasy VIII's battle theme, orchestrated version :D bravo to violins!

2010-04-10T10:07:00.003+08:00

People always ask me why I get so engrossed when I'm playing music. It's not really because I'm to show off and stuffs along that line! It's more of, treasuring the trouble the composer went through. Just think about it, if a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music right? :D So as a musician, we should bring across the composer's intention to the audience. :) that is the role, of musicians. (In my opinion) :X

It's been really quite a while since I've played Ruan in an orchestra you know :/ wondering whether I've lost my ability to work well with the orchestra as a ruan player. :X

Okayokay, off to breakfast. :D see you all around! Oh yes, here to share a video of Huang Gui Fang laoshi from SCO, playing sanxian in a recent concert. :) I went to that concert also, but I'm still yearning to listen to it again. :X Her great sanxian concerto, bravo! Pity, it's only a small clip of it.

2010-04-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

Hello all. :) Today nothing interesting really happened, but i'm here to blog as usual.

I better get some sleep after this post, insufficient sleep of barely 5hours only. :/ only had one meal today, nauseous the entire day. Cooped up to practice Ruan because I don't want to die the next ruan lesson. :) finally got some solos right. Got into some ridiculous debate with my parents. Oh well! Don't wanna talk about it. :/

Anyway, had some chit-chat with old friends that started criticising me again :X don't like it :/

Listened to some good music today, and dug up an old favourite, Elgar Cello Concerto. :D Lovely piece. Cello soloist: Yo-Yo Ma. :D Please enjoy.

okay :D that will be all people :D nights!

2010-04-09T09:10:00.002+08:00

Hello :D Hey, very sorry for missing out one day or so! :X Was busy! HAHA

Went down to SPCO to help out. :) Mr Li is nice, although he didn't really talked to me. HAHA! Oh well, :X was fun there, liked Tai Wan Zui Xiang, lovely touching piece. Farandole was a killer more or less, Ji Shen was a horror film's music to me, and Tai Yang was very fast, but not hard. :D hehe!

Went to RP to meet up with Shuzhen and Yikhung, before heading down to BoonLay. :D Okay, ShuZhen and I did play something on Omegle yesterday, such hilarity! :X Pity, she left for some other event D: so the rest of us, with wenshan went to PCO :D Met some lovely juniors who were nice people too. Hehe :D Tried my utmost best to depart some skills to them although I was really inefficient. :/ I better work harder next week! Jiayous juniors too of course :D I see potential in them definitely! Same applies to Wenshan and Mavis of course. :D I'd promise to teach Mavis some Yunnan Huiyi next week :X HAHA! And teach wenshan some of the liuqin solos in the liuqin book. :D Played Lin Zhong Ye Hui and Xia Yu Tian today. :) Was sight-reading horribly can! If Ms Foong sees it, I think she'll vomit blood :/

I think I've fallen again, although I still think it's too early to say. Many say, it takes 1 day to like, 1 week to know, 1 month to trust, and 1 year to love with your heart. :D I agree, but time is not really a measure of love. :D It changes from case to case. I don't hope, I don't wish, because it may lead to any form of disappointment. I just want to cherish and treasure, that's enough. :)

Oh well! :X Cut the emo talk! I'm off to my supposedly prepared breakfast at 9.30 :X Have a nice day all, and remember to miss me all! HAHA! :X such thick skin I do have.

P.S.: Should I grow fatter, so you can notice me? :X HAHA!

2010-04-06T11:56:00.002+08:00

Sincere apologies for having been absent for days on blogger! :X Blame it on the fact that I was extremely busy, but I'd try to catch up on my life. :)

Lets see...did I mention, there's gonna be some performance at Esplanade probably. :) Not confirmed but its on 16th and 17th of April, which means 2 weeks from today. Oh wait, not to forget...NONE OF THE SONGS are being practiced yet :X oh my! *slaps forehead* god bless us :X libertango, por una cabeza, under the sea, song wo yi zhi mei gui, a li lang and many more. *faints* Just hope my sightreading can aid me a little. :) I bet the others will do fine. :D I just got doubt in my own ability :X

Thats because I've been trying for days to get Zigeunerweisen op.20 sound right, at a ridiculously slow speed that doesn't sound a single bit like the original, especially the Vivace area. Do listen if you all are interested :)

Of course, I don't play the violin, but the ruan/liuqin instead. :) Most appropriate for this song's either Gao Yin or Xiao Ruan. :X Liuqin just ain't my stuff. I'm still wondering, this 1 year of ruan, is it really good for so much rushing? I wonder, whether it will really work out...?

Oh well, less emo-ing, more chatting, I'd say. There's so much I'm supposed to do, and I'm here blogging ._. Okayokay, off I go. There's some random preview for some RPCO performance tomorrow and I'm so tempted to not go because it's totally pointless. Nonetheless, its compulsory. *faints* That will be all people. :)

P.S.: I don't need anyone to criticise my way of life. I live this way, and it beats me trying to like something I don't. I bet one day, I'd announce it on my blog.

2010-03-29T23:45:00.004+08:00

Hey people :) Back to blog again.

Today went out with some CO peeps! Will use their respective nicknames to identify them, namely...Carrot, Liu Ma Ma, Yikkie (don't mind me! XD), Burn-eyebrows girl, and me! :D Went to Bugis for some CO shopping. :) hehe! Went to have lunch first, before heading to Eason. Got yangqin rubber, white colour one. Used to use it because it projects good volume, but I don't really like the yin se because its a little rougher in comparison to the black one. Oh well, it's good to have a change once in a while!

Then went over to Karl Heng :D shared cash to get an interesting book of liuqin solos at a cheap price? LOL! :) and an interesting cd...

Gu Fang Zi Shang I think. (Forgive me for spelling it wrongly? :X)
Highly recommended for zhongruan lovers. :) Basically it's Liu Xing's album with some of his disciple's, Shen Fei's, pieces. :) Popular pieces like Wu Suo Shi Shi, Sui Xin Suo Yu, Shan Ge, Tian Di Zhi Jian (No. 6), :D Really nice. Some pieces inside are quite abstract and require much imagination to understand. :D Lovely album, never regret the $19.90. LOL :)

So yeap, that's it. :) Tomorrow there's zhongruan lesson *faints* hope I will survive through the "Song Feng Han" tomorrow with Ms Tricia. :X hehe, okay that will be all! See you :D

2010-03-27T16:17:00.004+08:00

*Yawns* more than half of the day gone :X tiring it has been, to practice like...3 instruments XD hope I can play liuqin better, that's all. :D Xiao Ruan and Zhong Ruan, still okay :X hope to play xiaoruan at bedok cc, as heard from ShuYan, that they intending to replace liuqin with xiaoruan, although I'd vote for gao yin ruan instead :X since xiaoruan is not the same range as liuqin, but gao yin ruan is. :D oh well XD

Later gonna go teck ghee cc to help out once more. :D playing liuqin there, hehe :D some interesting songs like jiang nan hao, yao zu wu qu and si lu tuo ling. Not bad la the orchestra, I'd say. :) There are a few strong active members without doubt. :D The dizi, the double bass, and hu qin. :D tan bo also got strong people. :) hehe!

Hope today will be a fine day! Okay la, I'm off to get a bath and prepared to go out. :D see you all around wor! :) Take cares peeps :D byebye!

Oh yes, show you all a chio zhongruan I saw on the net. Uber cool can! :( Wish I could own it? :X

P.S.: I will be who I want to be, and I don't care what you think :X

2010-03-26T18:52:00.003+08:00

Was listening to alot of Chinese Orchestra music consistently, that I realised I've lost touch from the pop world. But weirdly, I didn't really bothered about it.

Wonder how long it've been since I've listened to one of Jay Chou's songs, or Linkin Park's? Oh well, all I've been listening to is Gu Guan Ren, Liu Xing and many other great composers. :D Oh, not to forget, I also listen to 92.4fm when I was in the mood for a western music day. :X Although I still prefered CO music :D

Weird I am, I don't deny at all. I could listen to Chinese Orchestra music for hours, days, and not get bored. Wonder whether I've reached my 1k count of listening to Chun Jie Xu Qu. :X LOL, I wonder. The virtuosity, is astounding, so much in that music I'd say. :) I don't deny I am slightly biased to listen to more tan bo yue songs, but I'm learning to listen to other songs too. :D

Okay, off to listen to more music, and probably play some later :) See you all around! :D hehe!

P.S.: Liu Qin...or Gao Yin Ruan? Such confusion! :X

2010-03-22T10:25:00.005+08:00

Oh well, so much for having a long rest for the weekends! XD haha! :X

Had a considerably decent performance at BBCC on saturday, but disappointing to have heard many mistakes (Okay, I confess I did make some too!) and was kinda messy at several songs. :( Nonetheless, we survived through and manage to earn the applause from the audience, although mostly weren't of chinese origin. LOL.
The food provided was not really up to standard though, although I really appreciate the effort, having to prepare food for so many people is definitely a tough feat. :D Yet, I wonder how much oil is being used to fry those chicken wings *disgust*. :X

Yesterday was another performance day. Was asked to help out Cheng Ho but no time :( Yet, not to regret, because the performance was with two very special people! All hail, JOEL AND CASSANDRA! :X Okay, that was exaggerated excessively. Nice people at there :) Thanks Cassandra's parents for fetching us there, and thanks for the great hospitality by Joel's mum. :D Lovely people without doubt. Had a great time performing there, although we DID make mistakes! :X HAHA! I know you know la, Cassandra! :X Had a nice meal there, although I lost my appetite after eating some milky cake :( almost vomitted :X trained home with cassandra, but different direction. :) Great day without doubt. Feels glad to contribute to this holy event. :)
*edit* You've learnt the art of contradiction (remark by Cassandra)

Today is a rest day nonetheless, after so much busy-ness. Off to have a good meal with mum soon! :X hehe! Fish and Co. at SSC I suppose :X Okay, see you all around. :D Take cares!

P.S.: Thanks for the thoughtful concern :) And I DO NOT like durian milkshake! HAHA :X

2010-03-20T00:17:00.002+08:00

When the guitars meet as one. :D

Hehe :) My instrument is inside wor!!! :D
Take a look at this video when you are free :D

quite fascinated by Xianning's playing :D along with Sori, who I've watched for quite a while too. Her violin is quite good, but I do feel that she should play more vigorously in this video. :X haha! to battle with xianning's smashing of his piano! Sadly, his smashing has caused so many wrong notes :( Nonetheless, bravo to the duet. Lovely performance by the piano and violin, full of emotions, good grasp of control of their instrument, and definitely good aesthetic skills without doubt, although undeniably human make mistakes. :D one day I'll be as good as them, hehe! :D jiayou randal! You are getting somewhere (I think?) :X

Was shocked at Joel's and Cassandra's comments today. They said that I was good enough to enter competition? HAHA! ._. I doubt I'd get even a consolation prize though XD I've only learnt a year of zhongruan, and kinda think that I need much more than that, before I enter a good orchestra, much less a competition. :X I still feel that my foundation is insufficient for me to survive in this musical world. :X at least, chinese musically :X I'll work hard, maybe a year or two, before trying my luck at the competition. :X and maybe just play in SYCO for a year, since I did hear some negative stuffs about the orchestra. :X its undeniable that the orchestra is good still XD okay, that should do for today officially! :D Time to sleep! Byebye people! :D teehee!!~

2010-03-19T22:59:00.002+08:00

HEY PEOPLE! :D randal here to post the so-called 'interesting' post today! :D although i don't really it's much interesting, but oh well! XD better than nothing right :)

Today was a normal day actually :X nothing much, just another CO day, practiced with SRJC :) hehe, went quite well. Practice Yi Zu Wu Qu with Cassandra as the two other huqin practiced other stuffs. Roughly the song's list is ready but the songs itself aren't. Time to chiong out the arrangements *faints*. Oh well :X That's the life of a musician. Hope everything just goes fine. If the time ain't enough, we'll just have to play some solos to get the time duration then. :)

Oh yes, went to PCO yesterday to help out again. :) Met two interesting zhongruan girls, who are quite passionate with the instrument, since they are constantly asking me to teach them Huo Ba Jie Zhi Ye and other solos. :) Oh well XD When i'm officially the instructor there, then I'll have more motivation to teach better, since my current status there is just a member. I don't feel at ease to teach when I'm the same level as others right...! I have no right to teach yet, hehe! Just guide loh! :D hehe!

Next up is BBCCCO's performance tomorrow. Playing liuqin there, quite interesting, since it's kinda my first time to perform in an orchestra as a liuqin player. When conductor called 'zhongruan', i looked! XD and when he called liuqin, i ignored :X HAHA! oh well, much more flexible I must be! :X so this time, I must do it well. Having practice on basic liuqin skills, I think I 'should' be able to get an appropriate professional posture and mindset I presume. :X I will only know tomorrow, along with how I will 'live' or 'die' in the songs. :D I never really played the Da Chang Jin too XD Oh well! :X

Yeap. :D so that's about it, the 'interesting' but not so interesting post XD take cares people and see you all around. :D take good cares and stay happy. I bet all the mates are enjoying your hols, whether ITE, JC, Pri/Sec school, and Polys. :D Stay cool peeps!

P.S.: I'm not Tom, I'm Ran! :X Hehe!~

2010-03-16T23:11:00.004+08:00

Okay, here to blog once again :) Wait *puts on thinking cap*, its time I preached some stuffs I've learnt in life, since I have no idea what to blog other than that! XD

Patience and Temper -

I think it's very important to be a patient guy in life. :) Anything also must wait and man man lai, especially when we desire a very hearty outcome, like good musicianship, abundance of knowledge or a windfall of wealth. There are many times i was impatient and gave up waiting, and oh no, I missed out alot. :( There went my dizi, percussion and yangqin skills :X HAHA! sad to make those mistakes, but i'm glad i've learnt from them. :) As of then, I've vowed to be a much more patient person when I desire for something.

In another context, I've also learnt to be patient with others :D There are times in secondary school that I flare up at juniors who just can't get the phrase right, and I'll just walk out or something? I think it is totally ineffective, and the aftermath is horrendous. Thus I've tried an alternative method, which seemed to be much more useful, although to only be used in moderation, is to be patient and teach nicely. I make great friends, and I think I do not have any right to actually scold anyone. This leads to the next point...

Respect -

So much for giving attitude to teachers in the past! I've realised that in society, there is such thing as social status. :) and it is very important to draw a clear line between high status, and low status.

As a student, I don't believe we are to disrespect our teachers, unless our teachers are being unreasonable. Even so, I think we are to reason out with our teachers instead of attituding them? :) It is a clear solution to the problem, along with a good avoidance of such occurrences in future. Being nice with words is also very important can.
As a guide to my peers in CO, I don't really think I have any right to scold anyone, since I'm just a non-paid guide. I used to think that 'oh, i'm the almight randal, i'm so pro and i have the right to scold any noobs!' LOL! trashed that thought, since it was totally pointless. I'd stay on the 'do you need help? i hope there's some solution to this phrase, i bet there is. Now...lets see...' :) and there we go, a good solution leading to a good outcome. This leads to...

Critical Thinking -

Okay, I don't deny that I used to have alot of ridiculous solutions to problems in the past, that were not only ineffective, but it caused more problems instead. :X Thus, when we come across a problem, i believe we are to analyse the situation properly before we come up with a solution.
At times, we use our heart to think what's good and bad. Things like someone causing me to be angry, is often overwhelmed by these negative emotions, leading to a negative state of mind. Solution is not being found, and we may say stuffs that do not help but worsen.
Use head, not heart at many times I'd say. :) When we come across a problem like the one above, I intend to search for a reason to solve the possible misunderstanding. And if there is no solution, I will just sacrifice that person, if that person is of no importance to my life. That's how practical it is. :) Think what's worth the trouble, and what's not.

Kindness -

People say, kindness begets kindness. Although not true all the time, but it's true to at least...humans. I doubt its true to beasts without heart. :) I think it's good to be nice to others, whether in words, in actions or in facial expressions. :D Sometimes, it doesn't hurt to be nice to others okay. :) Just a praise, a pat on the back, or a smile, helps and brings a person far.
Or just being sharing and generous once in a while is okay too. :D whether to share knowledge or items, it's unimportant. Main thing is that everyone is happy, and we enjoy the experience together, whether CO, a meal or an outing. :)

Acceptance -

When I got scolded or criticised in the past, I always rebutted no matter what the reason, and just argued to the extent of just wanting to win. Coming to think of it, it is totally ridiculous and I even find it silly. HAHA! :X I'd rather go by "Swallow it, and work towards a solution" :D instead of putting a black face infront of my teacher, or to give him/her a nasty attitude, I'd request for a suitable solution to the problem, and I'd assure it will not happen again in future. :) although it is tough to accept some nasty criticisms, but it beats being emo over it right :D hehe.

Responsibility VS Laziness -

I don't deny that there are many things which I'm supposed to do, ranging from arranging scores to practicing my ruan, but due to this stupid nature of laziness in me, I always procrastinate and tell myself "I'll do it next morning, I'd bet i will!" and when the next morning I wake up, I'd do something else LOL. I hate it this way, this is the only value in me that I actually detest largely. I wish I was more hardworking? :X I better buck up at work hard. After all my teacher did say "dont think your little talent can bring you far! it can only bring you a small distance, the rest is up to you and your hardwork!". :X and i better work hard!

Okay, so much for today's preaching session. Do i see people dozing off on their screen already? HAHA! yes i do! :) aww, I'm sorry! :( I promise I'd do a more interesting post tomorrow or so okay :D hehe! take cares people!

P.S.: People...do change.

2010-03-16T10:50:00.004+08:00

Hey peeps :) It's been quite a while since I've blogged :X ops! My bad! Busy lar :X alot have been happening I can say :X at least, much for me! XD

Oh yes, minor update. :) Changed the playlist at the left :D There are several new songs in there, take note! Apparently all music there is being played by CO instruments :) some may be familiar to you, some may be interesting too! :) just let it play as you browse the blog, dont pause it! :( haha! :D

Okay, back to topic. Went to several places the prev week? Can say so la :) Went RP for practice, as it was quite important to practice the Church gig songs with SRJC. Quite okay actually :) after that, was being forced to play yangqin T.T not really my kind of instrument :X only solo then is fun! other than that, he zou qu mu is quite boring for yangqin. :( mo li hua was very tiring on yangqin, although i still survived through :D wish I can play liuqin or ruan la :X

Went to help out at Hokkien Association for some opera performance? o.o idk, just go there and play. Haha :) Quite fun, but tiring. :X oh well, XD yesterday went to Joel's house for practice again, and went out for a while with Cass and Shuz, since Jojo was busy for the evening. Had a nice dinner at V8 Cafe at Bugis. :) Was impressed by its spaghetti :) in my viewpoint, better than pastamania, although the price was similar. Haha :) I'd consider going again! Thanks Cassandra for the good introduction. :) Shopped a while before going off home.

Random photo from SCO concert, :) Was waiting for yikhung to come.

Some interesting happened on the way home though :X don't do that again, okay? :X i just think its not appropriate for our current status and erm, 'progress'? We'll talk about this issue in future next time again? For now, friends. :) Stay cool okay?

P.S.: It's been quite a while, since we spoke...

2010-03-12T10:26:00.002+08:00

Hello, good morning to the world! :) It's a new day, friday, soon coming to the end of the week. And I don't really look forward to fridays, because I have no idea what to do :(

Woke up at an early time of 8.30, when I slept at 2am! haha! XD yet, I don't feel tired :X tomorrow so gonna go SCO's concert :) hehe, happy to get tickets from mr tan. Thanks :D Will definitely make the ticket worthwhile, as I examine the entire concert :X I hope good seats are given though :X wahaha!

Today's gonna be a zhongruan day :) work hard and hope that I can get some solos properly done and ready for performance. :X haha! yeaps :)

P.S.: I miss you, do you? :(

2010-03-12T00:17:00.002+08:00

Hey people :)

Oh my, look at the time! It's past midnight, and I'm still in front of my laptop wasting my sleeping time away! :X
Some interesting and weird stuffs happened today. :) brightened up my mood drastically? :X HAHA. :)

Had an interesting afternoon, after which went to PCO to help out a while. :) Broke 2 liuqin strings there for nothing? 2nd string over-rusted and broke by itself. 3rd string also broke when i fine-tuned it, probably also due to over-rust. Played gao shan qing, yang ge wu qu and song wo yi zhi mei gui. :) quite easy, revision from secondary school days man! :X especially yang ge wu qu, was like one of the first few songs I started learning from. :) I actually remembered the entire tan bo yue part, when I was dizi that time? LOL. Played by ear, never saw the score before.

Got delicious sweettalk cheng tng, and after which, went home. :) Some people keep calling me hor? Nothing better to do nia! You shouldn't waste your 160minutes on me like that! LOL :X

P.S.: Is it true, when salt becomes sparks? :X hehe.

2010-03-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

Hey people :) *yawns* not enough sleep leh, hope to sleep early tonight! :X

Today another normal day at bbcc. Got to play liuqin for a change though! :) delightful experience to play alongside WenShan :D Quite difficult some pieces, but still manageable la :X played several familiar songs, in preparation for 20th March's performance. :D Hope everything goes well then. Today got quite alot of people though :X surprisingly 4 zhongruan, 4 cello and 3 pipa. 2 liuqin (including me) 1 sheng and 1 dizi (which was mr tan). 1 erhu, more of like soloist? HAHA! soon to have more. And the usual manageable percussionists who seldom get stuffs wrong. :D

After bbcc, had to fly off to Hokkien Association for opera orchestra practice. Had a rushy lunch at Mos Burger with nancy, yizhan and shuzhen. :) after which we took nancy's car to the place. Had a delightful practice with great opera performers :D a new skills I've learnt, to read chinese and play along. :X interesting and fun, I'd say, although I don't deny that I did get lost sometimes. Nonetheless, caught back the rhythm and pitch soon, and was back on pace with the show. :D really great I'd say. Look forward to the upcoming performance. Hehe, and of course hope it goes well!

Flew home after that, ate a sumptous dinner. :D love taiwan crispy chicken :X HAHA! although it's freaking salty :X okayokay :D and now I'm here blogging. Okay okay, need to get some arranging done already. See you all around. Have an early night. :)

P.S.: I want a hug :( because it hurts here *points to self chest*

2010-03-06T22:02:00.002+08:00

Okay okay :X Time check, 10.02pm. Work progress, around 30% only? :X HAHA! oh my god! I'm such a slacker :(

Haha, got some inspirations for some arrangements. Started on San Liu (Three Six) for my quartet. :D Soon some other interesting pieces! Okay, i hope everything goes fine :) today didn't have much rest also :( time flied so quickly, and the day's coming to an end. I'm bored. :X someone save me? :X

Technically i'm supposed to get my arrangements done, but my itchy hands has brought me to play my gao ying ruan, xiao ruan, zhong ruan and liuqin. Giving each around half hour, I've actually used up 2 hours! :X spent 1 hours eating my dinner :X omg! XD haha! so unproductive randal, you better pull up your socks!

So yeap :) Oh yes, I'm like supposed to go some Hokkien Association CO with ShuZhen after BBCC tomorrow (For her, is BLCC XD). Flying off immediately after BBCC, since practice at HACO starts at 2pm. *faints* tomorrow, another busy day! :X busy busy busy...! Long time never see Ling Zi :) Hope to see her tomorrow. :D Of course along with the usual peeps, WeiJie, YikHung, Wenshan :D haha! Getting some long awaited scores from YikHung tomorrow :D Thanks ar!

Now I'm here listening to Pipa Concerto: Cao Yuan Ying Xiong Xiao Jie Mei and blogging when I'm supposed to do other stuffs!!!! ahhhh :X okay okay :D see you all around!

P.S.: I still always check on you, the first thing I online. :( i still love you, do you? give me a chance...? I can't live, without you I think :(

2010-03-06T16:00:00.002+08:00

Haha :) Hey people! Back again to blog! :X

Oh well, not really much happening. Had a small performance with PJC yesterday at Jurong Point. Went quite well, although some songs did have some tempo problem. Haha! Hey, we are humans right! Humans make mistakes :) hehe! Ya lorr :X It been ages since I performed Nan Jiang Jun Ling? Like, from secondary 1 until now? LOL. I still remember I was taught by WeiHow on dizi, that song. HAHA! The memories.

Had a decent meal at Carl's Junior, fish sandwich. Freaking salty, and they still say its white fish. Machiam saltwater fish then got :X haha! Constantly being called by some people XD haha! :X don't be naughty and forgetful, you better eat some gingko! LOL. Yeap, Hsien Hean played with drinks once again, poured a whole bottle of salt into his drink and then he panicked? LOL. Was hilarious. Trained home with hh and gavin. :D

Technically speaking, I slept at 3am last night. Haha :X Horrid insomnia I have :X and woke up at like 7am? I feel my eyelids being heavy, but when I want to sleep, my eyes suddenly widen. O.O such a weird boy I am huh! Worked on some simple arrangements of Church pieces for upcoming gig. :D alien songs I'd say, with some freaking weird chords? When did F# minor chord had a Ab as a root note. ==" In the end I just naturalised the Ab to A natural. LOL. Interesting songs from Joel. :D mostly are compound time signatures la. 6/8. haha.

Later gonna work on more arrangements :D at least another one or two more, and I'll call it a day then. Got so much work but so little willpower and time :X STOP BEING LAZY RANDAL. It's about time I should actually treat myself to ice-cream after each arrangement. LOL!

Okay. :) Anyway, anybody got Zhou Er Ju Hui's scores? Any version, ranging from ZhongRuan quartet to mini ensemble? :) Liu Xing's piece lar. English name, Tuesday's Gathering. :D anyone have, pm me on msn okay? Thanks alot! :D Will treat anyone a meal for in exchange of the score :X okay :D see you all around!

P.S.: You actually think my percussionist and bassist friend is weird too? HAHA :X ops!

2010-03-03T11:47:00.002+08:00

Shaken by emotions once again, I dreamt of you last night.

It's like the cassette tape has been rewound to the past, and I flash-backed everything. The many things we'd do together, and I unconsciously teared in my sleep. It may seem that everything's okay, but I really miss those days. In fact, I wished we never broke up, I wished we never torn our love.
It seemed like it was a peaceful break up, with us still in contact and chatting happily like nothing's changed. But I don't feel the same anymore. It seemed that I've lost this, happiness in my heart. Lost this comfort zone towards you, in fact lost my way of life, my direction. Where do I go now? Just continue studying and be a normal single person till love knocks my door again? It's most ideal this way, but it's most difficult this way too. Whenever I chat with you, I always wished to type 'I Love you', to send out those cute little hearts we always shared. The buttons below my 'backspace' is rotting, and so is my heart.

Things have changed so much, having no one to lean onto for help, or to be that pillar of strength of yours. I feel so, lonely, so lonesome. I feel, alone, all by myself. When once, we were together and had each other, now we only have ourselves. This love taught me so much, and I'm very grateful.

P.S.: Thank you, for loving me, once.

2010-03-03T11:28:00.002+08:00

Hey people :) Back to update once again.

Tough as the going is, playing well on ruan is not a simple task at all. Having been lectured by my teacher over many issues, I think I have a very very far way to professionalism. Ranging from foresight and aesthetic ability to attitude and emotional sense, there's so much to be learnt. There are times I feel like breaking down and giving up, but I don't think I ever should. I should continue to work hard, and one day, this passion for music will turn into a great outcome. :) I know it will.\

Having practiced hard on several songs, I actually realised Si Lu Tuo Ling (DaRuan Solo) is Grade 8 on NAFA's book, but Grade 10 on Shanghai Conservatory's book. O.O Grade 10 also known as Diploma standard. I was shocked though :X Nonetheless, it's quite a difficult song emotionally, but not technically. Not much fast and runny passages, nor tough techniques like Ren Gong Fan Ying and what nots. :) It's when each passage/phrase means a certain thing, and we are to bring across that message to the audience, that's when the going gets tough!

Ah, let's cut the crap about the ruan songs kkays :) Today's another day of RPCO, and I've gotta get some errands done at Boon Lay *faints!* Meeting shanshine after that, and then off to school then. :D Got some photoshoot thingy idk? and they need tan bo yue people only? LOL ==" this is ridiculous, but oh well, so be it! XD Just follow what TRCC wants loh, utter troublesome can. Conductor's coming today :) It's been ages since I saw him though. Haha! :) Hope everything goes well. Heard that today's gonna be a Four Hands day? Oh well, the usual off beat rhythms for me, in complement with Gavin's on beat rhythms. Boredom!!! I wish I could play Liuqin at least :X

That's all for now then. :) Dying of boredom at home. There's so much I have to do, ranging from writing scores to arranging songs for upcoming gig. And I'm here blogging. wth! :X So unproductive of me. Okayokay, off I go to get some work done. :) See you all people!

P.S.: I'm just glad, we have loved, once. I still do...

2010-02-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

Hey people :) i'm back once again. Missing I have been, I think I need to brush up on my blogging language.

Oh anyway! Today was a once again busy day as usual. Had a short performance at BoonLay CC today. Had the expected long wait for our turn to perform. As expected from most CC performances, no choice! :X Oh well, performed some simple CNY songs. Supposed to have a solo but cancelled. Was too tired for it anyway, after the performance marathon for 3 days. Although I did regret, because I did want to play something fun. :X Never mind, chances will arrive I believe. :)

Had a complimentary lunch of 6 courses. Had several luxury dishes like abalone yusheng, herbal scallop chicken soup, roast duck and some well-marinaded fresh stir-fried prawns. :) Am i so tempting you? :X Had a short rest at BLCC before heading home for a change of clothes along with a drop off for my instruments and scores. :)

Headed off to bugis to meet Hsien Hean and WenShan, when we then went to Esplanade to watch The Percussion Assembly performance. :D 2 of Hsien Hean's mates came along anyway, I didn't ask who. Very interesting performance I'd say. :) Really engaging, with their faces filled with expressions. Such power in their playing, along with great rhythm and pace. There are some rhythms high in technical difficulty, but they did great. Had some unique movements like throwing of gongs, acting like a chicken, tiger or cow. Very wonderful performance. Would like to thank Hsien Hean for the good recommendation by the way. :D

During the short interval between the 2 TPA shows, was a performance by an interesting band at the concourse of Esplanade. Was a band comprising of 3 members, a pianist, an erhu player and a cajon player. :) Very well done, they played several chinese pop from JJ Lin mainly. They had an interesting composition by the pianist of the team. On the overall, bravo. :)

Went off home then, dog-tired man. Tomorrow is the day to practice hard for zhongruan. :) It's about time I did better on my solos man. I need to be all stand-by when anyone wants any solo to be played. So yeah, thats all for now. Will see you all soon okay? :) Take care.

P.S.: I don't think, you are my cup of tea.

2010-02-23T23:11:00.001+08:00

A very interesting video shared by my buddy, Amon Wong Chong Hao. LOL! :P when free, do watch. It's a video of a Virtual Jamming Session :X one of the few videos which amon intro-ed that i actually liked LOL

Jam Session 2.0 from Cain Mosni on Vimeo.

2010-02-23T21:32:00.003+08:00

Heys people :) today was a fine day for me! XD

Woke up at like 10am :X haha! Finally, no insomnia. Maybe I've forgotten or put aside the depressing stuffs for now ba. :P hehe, I'm feeling quite okay actually XD
Played ruan basically the whole day, since it's time I did some serious practice man. Practiced for 4 hours with small breaks of like 5 minutes in-between XD 1 hour for warm up + practice pieces, 1 hour for sight reading, 2 hours for solo practice. :) Technically that's the professional standard of practices. Turned out quite good bahs, finally know how to play Si Lu Tuo Ling (DaRuan Solo) properly. :P Which was the main focus of my ruan lesson today XD Practiced the usual solos, YunNan 1st and 3rd, Huo Ba Jie, Shi Lin Ye Qu, Cao Yuan Yu Huai, Wu Suo Shi Shi, and many more la. Too many to name out :X hehe!

Had ruan lesson with Ms Foong as usual. Delightful to have lesson with her, always learn alot from her, along with inspiring moments as I watch her play the pieces as demonstration purposes. One day, hope to be like her. :) Yeap, and thus i missed RPCO practice today, and will be missing all tuesday practices from today. :X no choice :/ at least i got go for wednesday practices okay!!! :P Tired from all the activities recently. I think friday, saturday and sunday got performances bahs. :X and idk what pieces are being performed LOL just anyhow bom lor! haha!

That's it bahs :) Share with you all a cute photo I found on the net.

2010-02-19T18:26:00.003+08:00

Hello all once again :)

I'm trying to live on life as per normal, although it's really impossible. HAHA! XD but I'll try :X don't wanna dampen anyone's moods right :) smilies!

For people who are currently out-of-love, cheer up kkays ^^ See randal can do it (at least I tried :X) so I believe you can too! :) Those people who are single, hope you all find the love of your life soon! :D and those attached, hope you had a great valentines :)

Anyways, recently really busy over lots of stuffs. :X HAHA! I arranged a few songs recently, like Fly Me To The Moon, Always With Me and Shan Ge (By Liu Xing, ZhongRuan Solo). Practicing YunNan HuiYi 3rd Movt as usual, getting it at the right speed now, just that my stamina cant withstand the 10 minutes of playing. It's about time I did some right hand weight-lifting. :D

FYP is here to haunt me finally. :) Had a meet up with Amon and KayPeng over FYP matters. Justin met us for breakfast, then left? LOL. Had some discussion, gained some insights and planned some issues. :)

Oh yeah, not really in the best of mood over some issues actually. :/ really depressing issues I can say. I don't think we are cut out for each other, plus you kinda disappointed me so much :( I feel used, played and dumped. Damn...but I hope we can remain as friends. Hais...so much for love. I did...try? Is this, a test? If it is one, I got F9.

Ah, no emo-ness! :X Back to normal Randal (on the outside) HAHA. Anyway, went PCO yesterday to help out Uncle Tong :) Quite delighted over the thought of playing Love Story. HAHA but I still wanna play LiuQin :X CNY songs on ZhongRuan is boring :X HAHA. :X

Anyways, that's about it then. I've been sleeping at like what...3am 4am recently? LOL. :X Terrible insomnia I'd say, but weirdest thing is, I don't feel hungry much too XD Is this time I finally slimmed down? LOL :X See you all around. :) Take cares.

P.S.: Which way...to go? I'm in a dilemma.

2010-02-14T19:03:00.004+08:00

Sincere apologies! Lagging I sure am, but I'll try to brief you all on my recent activities. :X

CO practices as per normal. UTs are over, and so is RP's Year 2 of crap. Though met alot of great friends, but I've met alot of trouble and worries. Some of which, I'd never imagined would happen. Anyway, its Chinese New Year once again. :)

Simple gig performance at Clarke Quay yesterday with Carrot and Nick. :) Great people, needless to say, was enjoying while playing with them. :D Yangqin sounded crappy due to out of tuned strings that I did not have the strings tuner with me. Ending up I just moved the metal ball at the left to roughly get it into tune. Play ruan too, although technically only 1 or 2 songs. Got some 'suan-ing' from some uncle who said that we are academically stupid, and we should go pro on music (when we basically are?). LOL ._. had a short meal at mac before going off. Something very stupid happened on the way to Clarke Quay by the way, but don't want say XD Lazy :X Anyway, really appreciate it that weijie and nick gave me the chance to perform with them :) Thanks a bunch!

Anyways, CNY same old thing. Off to grab hongbaos :X Fun socialising event. Liked the Tom Yam Soup prepared by Auntie Pan, traditional Thai version. :) Next few days will be packed. RPCO practices on wednesday and thursday, with my mornings being used for ruan hunting :) saturday is a busy day of 2 performances, one at Jurong Library, another at FuChun CC. :) Sunday is at Frontier CC if I'm not wrong. :X Forgive my bad memory.

Recently is really a tough rocky road. ._. too much have been happening, to the extent that I break down easily. Randal is becoming a weak boy. LOL. I just want to throw all my worries and play music happily, but that's not possible. :( I wished, but I think life needs love.

Anyway, that's about it. I'm disappointed at some issues, happy for some issues, sad for an issue, angry for a few issues and confused over an issue. Experiencing random emotions. Save me...? Anyone?

P.S.: I wish nothing changed. :( My heart hurts so much, I wish I could take the pain outside to my skin.

2010-02-10T23:27:00.002+08:00

Yawns, hello people. So tired, my body is totally drained out, but not my eyes and brain! :D

Today was another same day. Had UT in the morning, then went to slack around for like so many hours with cassandra, joel and yikhung until CO practice start. :) Practicing Shan Ge (Mountain Song), which is a cool piece by Liu Xing. :) Trying to make it sound right 1st, before trying to understand the song properly!

Tomorrow hope wont be too boring. I'm tired but i want life! :X wahaha! Apparently I'm weird these few days.
Don't make me wait too long :( Hais...

2010-02-10T00:32:00.002+08:00

Hey people :)

Quite in a good mood today. UT went quite well, haha :) My composition was a humongous success. Woohoo! :X I hope I do well :) Went to CO, saw jason and the rest at TRCC cafe. Went up, then we hang out a little, before ronald come. Had our usual CO practice of songs. Was in a good mood, so played extra enthusiastic today :)

Was fun :) Everyone was enjoying, although wenshan and shuzhen did get a little 'tekan' from ronald's remarks, although his remarks were 100% unintentional. Yeah, tomorrow got UT. Sian 1/2. Haha, hope wont die tomorrow. Its freaking early at 8.30. Waking up at 6am to last minute revise. LOL :X

On cloud nine due to a reason :X dont tell you all what. In life, when you lose something, you gain something. That's the best hint I can give. LOL :X Updating this post for someone to read nia :X dont tell you all who! DIE ALSO DONT WANT TELL YOU ALL! :X humph! XD

Take cares people. :) and all the best. Randal, stay happy. There are people who care.

2010-02-08T22:48:00.002+08:00

Life resumes as per normal, but oh, the normal Randal does not resume. Love does have a huge impact on people's lives, i feel it now, so dearly.

Exams are on the go, as I just took my 1st today. Was quite easy, tough questions like patch bay and impedance and stuffs like that did not come out. Instead, MCQs and simple definitions-like questions appeared. Thanks alot Amon for the handy notes, really appreciate it :) yeap, had a short discussion about FYP and about ready for FYP. *deep breath*

Had a short mini practice with shuzhen, as i brushed up my daruan and xiaoruan skills, since its a different open strings tuning altogether. Met up with justina and joel at different intervals. Oh yes, met justina and weiwen, then ate small brunch at kfc, which was kinda small serving. went to library to touch up on my composition as justina revised on her ut with weiwen teaching her. How thoughtful :) and we went back to school while weiwen went off to meet his friends. Met shuzhen there, had a real lunch at koufu. Utterly disgusted by seeing an ant in koufu's drinks stall's Mirinda Orange. urgh...
Went to TRCC to slack a while, changed xiao ruan strings, met joel blah blah blah, and off we went. Joel had some gig today and hope he did well :) then shuzhen and i took our respective trains home.

Tomorrows's another day of CO and UT. tired, i only slept 5 hours last night. Same for tonight i suppose. Tired I am, nothing I can do. ._. yeah, practicing hard on liuqin and zhongruan. Daily practices are very important. After all, I'm far from professional standards. Hope to get some solos done and well to build up a strong repertoire. :) time to find a better way to improve huo ba jie zhi ye :)

Not in the best of moods, but oh well, live on randal. I will never want to forget what we've done so much in the past. But one thing I must forget, is what you said that day, which hurt my heart. Which pierced it like a flying dagger, like a hammered nail on a block of wood. It hurts, to know that you don't love me anymore.

2010-01-30T08:44:00.002+08:00

As we move along this road of life, ordeals we come across. I did say in the past, sadness is for the weak, and that shows how weak i've become. But after all, everyone doesn't stay strong throughout their life right? It's how long we take, to get back on our feet. I don't know when will that be, for me.

The end of the month is near, and Chinese New Year is coming. Technically, supposed to spend it with you, since it clashes with valentine's. But oh well, there goes 2010's lovely valentine's. I will always reminisce on what we've always done in the past. So much, for me to forget, though i'd never wanna forget it all.
The times we'd wait for each other for the bus, and unconditionally follow up the bus till our respective houses. The time, we first kissed in the bus, do you remember? The first time we hugged and slept hugging? That warmth, that happiness, I'd never forget.
The times we'd hang out at each other's house once a week, having so much fun playing games and laughing. Remember, you liked Midnight Tune, and we'd spend hours clearing the stages. Remember, we'd play some random music in my room and sing along for no particular reason? Jason Mraz - I'm Yours, signature song?
Do you remember, the first time you told me, you were fond of me? And that after much troubles, we came together finally. About times I'd fall sick, and you'd call to ask for my safety. You'd visit to check on my health. And likewise back to you. I'd always remember the times you'd have a horrible headache, and I'll be sitting there watching you to sleep peacefully since you'd never liked panadols.
Remember the times, that even though we are far, we'd feel close to each other. No matter how far the distance, I'd just love you all the more. The times we'd give each other birthday presents we'd always wanted? Meals together, romance in the air. Swensens, Jack's Place, Xin Wang HK Cafe. Remember, Cherry Float? Teriyaki Chicken Spaghetti? I'll never forget.
Remember that time, we'd play the piano together and had so much fun? Although we'd never get one full song properly, I knew we were one complete couple. There was nothing wrong with our love, we were so happy.

How did things turn out this way? And why? The love was so innocent? Technically speaking, we've never had a cold war since we were together. Never had a big quarrel that left us not speaking to each other for a few days. We were never angry at each other, and always give in to each other, so that we can be happy. We were happy, for the sake of each other, not for ourselves. As long as you were happy, any troubles i'd forget, any unhappiness i'd throw away. I'd just wish to see your smile, hear your voice and feel your hand. How can i move on? I can't give up this love, much less forget it. The memories, of when we were each other's. Of when we innocently love each other no matter what life throws at us.

What must I do, so that the love can be revived? I never wished this day came, and wished I was back in time. I wished feelings never fade, so that you can still love me. I wished time stopped, so that we'd stay happy. But these wishes won't come true. Never will.

2010-01-28T20:06:00.002+08:00

Hello people, i'm trying to resume life as per normal, but oh c'mon, it's easier said than done.

Yesterday was a day at RPCO, as usual. Having known that Ronald is arriving, I went early to school, but slipped my mind that the new comm were still having class. To not waste any precious time, I went to the library to grab some books for reference. Came across some Chinese Orchestra books and viewed them randomly. Quite useful, but didn't have time to read it all. Met up with Shuzhen and Yikhung, and thus off to TRCC for practice.

The rest came not long after, such as Cassandra, Wenshan, Justina and company. Was glad that Cassandra came, after not seeing her for a week. She's the usual all-hyper girl I know, a definite smile on my face. Glad to have the rest around too, always cracking the coldest jokes and doing the weirdest actions. Practiced some CNY songs, along with Sai Ma (Er Hu Qi Zou). On the way home, we sung cannons everywhere, ranging from typical CO songs to CNY songs. Was totally hilarious I suppose.

Today was a day of Music Composition. Class content boring as ever, but teammates are still the best. NuSion (as we presume to be) only had Daryl, Amon and Justin today. Was quite fun anyway, and poor Daryl had some problems with his laptop. Crashed and much hardwork was gone, Amon, Justina and I were putting much effort in trying to console him. Presented (and got praised for the bullshitting) and met wenshan, had prata sausage (ages since I've had it) and off home.

Not in the really up-to-shape Randal recently, sincere apologies. Though it may seem nothing much face-to-face, but much have been happening. Too much, for me to accept. Speech, MSN, SMSes and phone calls may seem all the normal Randal, but emotionally scarred I am. This mask, is for the sake of all of you. For all of you to know, that no matter how bloody sad I am, there's no point bringing you all down with it. Wouldn't want to end up in situations like giving you all a bitter face when you all talk to me, a hot temper when something goes wrong, or an overly emotional response over topics I don't really fancy. I feel very cold, very lonely (no matter how many people are around me), very sad. Is this the end? The end to what I all the while believed to be forever? I believe it is, and no matter what I do, there is nothing that's gonna change it.

P.S.: I will never give you the cold shoulder, even if I feel the worst of all. Each time I delete one of the past sms, I'd tear. But that's the only way, I'd forget what happened in the past. It's the only way, I can move on. But I still wonder...what went wrong? Where, was I wrong?

2010-01-24T23:05:00.002+08:00

Curling up the corners of my mouth, I tried to smile.
In my heart, with much denial.
There I am, crying like a child.
My life, has became so foul.

Apologies you say, I've forgiven any misdeed.
After all, both of us are at fault, leading to the start of growing this seed.
Seed of love, hope to bear fruit of happiness and not lust and greed.
But it has broken apart, like a necklace which has dropped a bead.

Between us, what's lacking, I'd not say.
Now I just go, day by day.
On the bed at night, there I lay.
Wondering what went wrong, about our way?

Tears drizzle on my meal every time.
I'm reminded of the days you were mine.
Those cheerful moments we'd enjoy things fine.
Remember the movies we watched, for our relationship to bind?

After school, I'd sometimes await for you outside school.
Any way I look at you, you were so cool.
Sometimes you said "I can't meet you today, boo..."
I'd say, It's okay *with a smile*, there's tomorrow too.

But now, tomorrow never seemed like a better day of the year.
A new day in the past, was 24 hours of love, no fear.
It's your lovely voice and much concern, I'd always hear.
Even late at night, your love was beside me, just here.

Those days were so colourful, I'd look forward to so much.
Everything I could grasp so tightly within my clutch.
It seemed so real, the love was tangible to touch.
Black and white, now my life, as such.

I try to go past the days with joy.
Like in a past, as a small little boy.
But life's probably playing with me, like a toy.
With these sad feelings, I'd never want to employ.

Now, your love seems so far, as though it's beyond reach.
How to gain it back, no textbook could teach.
It's just like a colourful rainbow being bleached.
It's just like before an accident, you hear a screech.

That sound, when I heard, I predicted calamity.
But there I stood, drinking my warm cup of tea.
Never imagined, this day was coming to me.
The day I dreaded for has come, the end of 'we'.

Your world, I'm not in it.
Maybe I'm just not deem fit.
Where was I wrong? Your expectations, I did not meet?
Maybe, I'm still just a kid.

P.S.: I wished I was the apple, of your eye.

2010-01-23T14:51:00.002+08:00

I feel cold without you.
Things will change, to a world so new.
Tears drop like the morning dew.
It's a cloth torn, never to be sew.

It is different now, for we ain't what we were before.
Heart aching, so painful and sore.
It's you that i've always loved and adored.
But we weren't meant to be, sadness pours.

Tell me that you'll be happier after all this.
My life will be odd, as though something is amiss.
Sweet but coming to an end, it's like eating cookies.
But all I wanted, was a warm hug and kiss.

Love may be simple as it looks, but no it is not.
It may seem that honeymoon periods are warm and hot.
Envied by singles around, to them it seems like alot.
But forever it is not, what we hold and got.

So much together, so much fun.
All gone, like a bullet shot from a gun.
My heart now weighs a dozen ton.
It used to be shared with you, my 'hun. (abbriev for honey)

With so much laughter and joy we've had.
Now I only feel the emotion, sad.
Thinking about living life without you as my lover, I'll go mad.
But I still have to go on, because I'm still a young lad.

I hope you find your true love, that you can love with your heart.
Vowed never to leave and be apart.
Happiness keeps going up, like a marketing chart.
Worry-less, as though you are at an arcade playing Mario Kart.

I just wish you feel more comfort as we speak with a different status.
Although tears have already been shed and burst.
Crying my heart out, because my heart hurts.
But I will move along, for your sake and purpose.

P.S.: I love you.

2010-01-22T20:05:00.003+08:00

Whoops! Missed out much of my life? I bet you did! Busy as per normal, I wished I could lead a more carefree life. But aw c'mon, carefree means boredom. :)

Much has happened since my last blogpost I'd say. Was asked by YuHeng to go to GECO, which was a really rare opportunity for me. Yet, I had to reject it because I've dedications already. :) Either way, I believe in future I'd still have a chance to enter a semi-professional orchestra, so what's the rush? :D

RPCO conductor, Mr. Tan has also been busy, along with the new committee of RPCO. Planning the workplan for 2010, money and admin matters are the only things that come out of everyone's mouth nowadays, it's the peak period of RPCO. I just wish that the new year will mark a better progress in the orchestra. Shuzhen, Yikhung and committee, always remember, your ex-chairman is forever here ya? :) Anything can ask me :X although not everything, I may be the remedy! Like I heard from WenShan, Mr. Tan recently scolded the new committee over scores issues (hais, I was scolded before too :X). And there was nothing I could do, basically because I wasn't around? LOL! Even if I was, the only thing I could do was to try and help :X

RPCO was asked to go to South Australia? LOL! Once I heard it, I doubt it was a performance opportunity actually, and I was spot-on. TRCC has requested 25 IGs to attend some arts festivals in Adelaide, obviously not all IGs would go :X One was RPCO! HAHA. The plane ride and accomodation was uneconomical, the time was not worth (in my view), and we won't gain much experience from this trip. How 'educational' can the trip be, at the price of 1.8k for 5 days :X

Recently went to help out at Frontier CC, aka Pioneer CO, as asked by WeiJie :) Was a fun experience, although the songs weren't really very tough. Mainly pop and CO classics like Bu Bu Gao and Cai Yun Zui Yue. WeiJie arranged a very remarkable Love Story by Taylor Swift. :) Such admiration! And also The Cruel's Temptation theme song, which was very catchy and fast. :) I played Gao Yin Ruan there, even though I wanted to play Zhong Ruan there. But WenShan definitely needed a partner, if not she'll be lonely. :) was really enjoyable to play alongside her.

Went over to BLCC on the same day too. :D performed some simple pieces, along with a short solo. Huo Ba Jie Zhi Ye again...! Just hope that next time I get to play something else like Shi Lin Yue Qu or Cao Yuan Yu Bei. :) Was really funny, as Shuzhen was helping me as an accompaniment, ended up her scores fly here and there. And when it was my turn to be her accompaniment, I was lost halfway, and randomly picked out notes to play as the song went. :X Either way, it sounded audible and bearable! LOL. Beg for no such problems in future.

Cassandra passed to SRJC a game, Plants V.S. Zombies. Okay, forgive me for being a frog in the well. I've heard of this game for ages, but have yet to get my hands on it. Thanks Cassandra for the great game, although I wasn't really much addicted by it. On the other hand, Cassandra and Joel were the hardcore addicts, especially Joel. I heard from Cassandra, that he was intending to play it in the bus too? LOL! Shuzhen, don't be addicted okay? :)

Sincerely apologise, no photos or whatsoever to upload. Next time okay? :) See ya'll.

P.S.: I'll be your naughty boy, for the rest of time. :X affections <3

2010-01-09T20:20:00.002+08:00

Oh dear god, I've been absent from blogger for a week already. Please accept my humble apologies! *bow* I'm back after a busy week.

Busy with what, you asked? Having a weirdly strange atmosphere in school, the Open House 2010 of Republic Polytechnic is here, but the turn-up rate was (at least to me) not up to standard. Nonetheless, we were still asked to perform. Since RPCO was so busy with the new songs conductor have given, the quartet decided to give it a try for the open house instead. Repertoire was quite interesting, having Love Story by Richard Clayderman and a rehash from SLA 2009, Da Mu Da Mu. :X

Busy we have been, arranging songs for the performance, I've slept at a late hour of 1plus last night, in fact it should be rephrased to today's morning! :X Not all songs were chosen, but I believe in future the other pieces will be useful in future. :) Why? Won't tell you. :)

Today was the day of performance, not really nervous or anything, just treating it like any other normal performance. That's my tired face early in the morning on the way to school. :X

Had a great time performing, received encouraging applauses and much praise from TRCC. Finally, we've made our name to TRCC. Amongst their discussions, phrases such as "they have improved alot" and "they are good!" can be heard, as mentioned by ShuZhen :) So comforting to hear such comments though. I'm glad I'm in the quartet, really glad. :) Have great friends to chat, care and play (instruments) with. I think I've found great people in my life and am grateful of it.

Had a short snack at TheReelRoom before heading to Causeway Point for lunch. Yoshinoya we went, hoping for a cheap meal, but too bad. Having to spend a huge bunch of cash, but I'm still happy. :) Had some fun with the chopsticks there though :X Innocent us :X

Hope the future times we perform will be better and better. But of course, happy as ever. Love you guys, SRJC forever. :)

P.S.: Always bully me only :X *nudges* ops! I miss you <3

2010-01-02T22:01:00.002+08:00

Would like to sincerely apologise for my absence on blogger. Due to my tight schedule, I've grown to become pragmatic and learning to use my time to a more worthwhile extent. Of course, it would be obnoxious of me to say that using the computer is worthless, but after much soul-searching, I've realised that I really need to pull up my socks on my ZhongRuan skills. It's time I've chased the express train and reach my destination as swiftly as possible! :)

Holidays are arriving to an end, how depressive at the mere thought of it. Just imagine the boredom of school, the insufferable lessons of sickening material that would be totally of no use for my Chinese Orchestra future. :X yet, the warmth of friends is definitely delightful and refreshing, as though I've felt much exhilaration in my lungs after breathing in the morning fresh crisp air. Being surrounded by people who care, by kind and concerned beings that would glimpse at you every once in a while to ensure that you are doing fine. That is what I call, Luxury. :)

Chinese Orchestra is the usual busy-as-ever activity in my life, only which this time, I've stepped down and its time the new committee took over. After all, 2009 was really a tiresome year for me, having to plan so much, and the entire revamp of RPCO, with new instructors, new system, new repertoire, new instruments, much time was required to adapt to the new situation, just so that the future committee would have an easier, much peaceful life in CO. :) Having to practice new (okay, not very new, since these songs are around for ages!) tunes was a huge relief for me. Most of them were'nt really much of an aesthetic battle but an emotional one. Noting down the proper mindset for a certain phrase or passage in the piece was extremely important, and we were often reminded by the conductor in this aspect. Like I said, there's still much to be learnt. :)

Nonetheless, everything in life seems to be going smooth and fine for the moment, and I hope it remains this way throughout the year. Oh yes, as a formality, I think a new year resolution is important. (They are not in any specific order of priority FYI.)

1) To arrange several entertaining pieces for Chinese Orchestras.
2) Get a new ZhongRuan that will stay with me for my entire life.
3) Properly play my Diploma exam pieces, I just suck at them man. :X
4) Build up my scores library at home. Time to steal scores!
5) Think of a new fashion sense for myself. I better not be so 'last year!'.
6) Bond up well with my close friends and learn more about them.
7) Lesser quarrels and disagreements, I still prefer a carefree life.
8) To love you more everyday so that we can last forever.
9) Take more photos since its my last year before NS. My god, there goes my hair!
10) Enjoy good food, here's my current list (all to be completed by end of 2010)...

a) Fish & Co.
b) Ajisen
c) Swensens
d) Sakae Sushi
e) Sushi Tei
f) Ministry of Food
g) Shokudo Coffee House
h) New York New York
i) Jack's Place
j) Xing Wang HK Cafe
k) Aston's
l) The Coffee Connoissuer
m) The Peace Garden
n) Ding Tai Fung
o) Bao Jin Tian
p) Hard Rock Cafe
q) Mayim Chinese Cuisine
r) Sakura Buffet
s) Sakae Teppanyaki
t) Seoul Garden
u) Breek's
v) Pastamania
w) Gelare's
x) BBQ Chicken
y) Shimizu Japanese Restaurant
z) Lerk Thai
and many more...

I think I'd better save up now. I'm shocked myself, at the list! God bless my pocket! :)

P.S.: Hope to spend my 2010 with you, I'd wish we had the entire year on ourselves! <3

2009-12-25T18:12:00.003+08:00

Having much fun in Christmas? Like many say, the joy of Christmas, wishes and greetings float in the air as relatives and friends visit each other in this joyous occasion. Receiving generous gifts, (doesn't matter whether they are of high monetary value or not), because it's the thought that counts. :)

First of all, would like to wish everyone a very merry Christmas. With a personal poem of mine, I hope to bring across my kind (or not!) intention to all of you. (The poem was inspired by the popular We Wish You A Merry Christmas FYI.) LOL XD

I'd wish you a Merry Christmas.
We must enjoy to the fullest.
I'd give you those Christmas wishes.
With a champagne or beer!

Bad stress we suffer, both you and your friends.
Because of Republic Poly, there's so much we fear.

So throw away those fears first.
Or your brain will start to burst.
Yet you have to bring your purse.
Because Christmas is here.

The joy of this season, the pockets will suffer.
But smiles we see everywhere, so valuable and dear.

So it's time we had cheered.
For this occasion and our peers.
Your cheeks filled with joyous tears.
Because Christmas is here!

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE! :) (please forgive me if the poem was of mediocre standard!)

That's correct, Christmas is definitely an occasion we all hope to enjoy, and I'd dare to admit, I enjoyed mine to the very bit. Okay, almost. :X
Joy comes with food I'd exclaim. Roasted Turkey with Cranberry Sauce, Roast Beef, Ham with Apple Sauce, Delicious Black Pepper Mashed(NOT WHIPPED) Potatoes. (Now I question myself, what's with the exotic sauces? :X) Precisely, the food not only is such a visual beauty, but also a tasteful one too. Topped with your favourite Christmas Songs, like Rudolf The Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Let It Snow. :)

Recently, much CO have been going on. My zhongruan lessons has started once again, and I've been exempted from CO practice on Tuesdays :X Been playing some new songs (which aren't very new actually. These songs have been around for ages). Very appreciative of the songs, although I've heard them a dozen of times. It's good to appreciate pieces no matter how many times we've played or listened to them. Imagine how much trouble people go to compose the song, and are being degraded by unappreciative people. Very sad, very very sad.

Okay cut the crap. I've seen this video on Youtube.com and was very interesting. A song called Nan Dao A Li Lang, (Received the conductor score and some instruments scores from conductor recently and due to my curious mind, I've went to research on it.) and found the version being played by an interesting orchestra called The Orchestra Asia. As the name speaks for itself, the orchestra is built upon many instruments from many parts of Asia, inclusive of Japan, Korean, China and more. :) Take a look, very inspirational.

2009-12-17T11:27:00.000+08:00

As we walk down this journey of life, ordeals and obstacles we shall come across. They obstruct the sleekness of the road, but of which, we stumble upon a new solution to a certain problem.

Much have happened in my life recently, but no point mourning over it. Having it easy, I beg to differ that we should constantly be saddened by the problems in life, but instead move on and live it in reality. Although easier said than done, sometimes us humans are being pragmatic, and just go with the flow. So how? LOL :X

The all-awaited holidays have finally arrived to our doorstep. With so much things to do, I doubt 3 weeks is sufficient for the huge workload. Nonetheless, it's still worth a try, because being productive is better than being lazy definitely. :) Yesterday was the usual RPCO practice with the same people. Saddening to know that Shuzhen, Cassandra and Joel all didn't come. Went through several pieces that Carrot (a self-given nickname by Wei Jie) arranged for Chinese Orchestra. Was'nt very laborious on my part as a ZhongRuan player, but I saw some other instruments' parts, and intricate they were! Having loads of dots (Meant to INCREASE the octave of the tones) on Wenshan's LiuQin score, loads of dots (Meant to DECREASE the octave) on Justina's YangQin score. I don't deny that Gavin and I were having it easy XD He was the on beat, and I was the off beat for Four Hands. In fact, the traditional chinese orchestra pieces were often written in such a fashion.

After which, we went through 卖菜, a dizi solo (with percussion accompaniment) by Wei Jie. Conductor has last minute 'extracted' several members from the orchestra to help play the percussion accompaniment. As for me, I'm sticking to my 木鱼 since that's what I've been asked to play at BBCC. :X Went through the usual orchestra pieces like 小刀会 (序曲), 赛马 (Orchestral Version) and Jasmine Flower. :) As per normal, ZhongRuan parts slacky as ever. :P

Went over to KFC to have a short dinner and chit-chat session, saw Justina/Wenshan that group there. :) Foolish we were, with the persistent laughters everywhere. :X Went home after that, and here I am. :)
Oh, not to forget, Conductor requested of me to copy out the separate instrument scores for the piece 南道阿里朗 (forgive me if I spelt it incorrectly) :X Considerably difficult to copy due to their weird time signatures and changes of it. Either way, I'll still do my best.

P.S.: I miss you, like never before. :( I'd fly to you, I'd swear. <3

2009-12-11T22:20:00.002+08:00

As of today, I've been enlightened in the midst of a dark room watching a foreign video on Experimental Music. It is of much oddity to realise how John Cage is able to create many works without actual musical tonality or harmony. From past research, I've come across the piece named 4'33", which is a work that has 3 movements, of which the musicians sit completely still without actually playing their instruments. They allow impatience to grow in the audience as the piece induces gossip, questions and much doubt. :)

It is a debatable topic, of whether music, needs harmony or not. But it's solely dependent on how people actually perceive the topic at bay. I'm amazed myself, by how shaken I am, just after watching the 45minutes documentary of the strange man fondling his instruments randomly by chance. Yet, I'd still stand on the side of the fence, that music requires harmony, chords, and a proper melody, to be considered as music. :D

With much aberration of today's topic, we had alot of merriment and hilarity as we were amused by Hafiz's goofy and nutty actions. Daryl and I were bursting in laughter, even rolling on the floor. Seriously literally ROFL. :X It is of today, that the group ties were bonded and fastened well, I'm glad. :)

After much backbreaking work and labour, I'm still at the Spring of my LiberTango (CO Version), bar 30+ sadly. It marks the 1st minute though, with much dynamic changes and several good instrumentation and timbre changes. :) I'm indebted with AshTear boy (LOL! Wei Wen I mean) as he gave me many tips and advice on the use of Sibelius since I'm (to some degree) new to the program. XD Was utterly stonewalled when I could'nt find the way to create arpeggiated chords on Sibelius, when the near but far keyboard shortcut of L was the answer to my solution.

I'll 'nine-to-five' the LiberTango definitely during the holidays, since I've got much inactivity times during the approaching holidays. :) Of course, not to forget, having to go to CO practices is a must. And to hang out with my beloved one, due to our much absence :(

P.S.: The amount I'm missing you, even the most colossal behemothic box could'nt hold, because it's immeasurable. <3

2009-12-10T16:45:00.002+08:00

Randal awakes from his bed once again in the punctual hours of the sunny daylight. I was tempted by the bed I was lying on, and for which I know that if I began sleeping from where I left off, I'd bound to be late for school. Groggy as ever, I obliged myself to not be late for school and prepared quickly. :)

All this sloth is due to the previous night when I went to the usual RPCO practice. Having met up with Hsien Hean, Jason and Gavin, we headed for our meal at the north end of RP. The Japanese food was satisfying and even though I knew that I was on the wrong end of the weighing scale, I added on a $2 fish and chips to my main course. Such gluttony. :X
Had a short pool game at TheReelRoom at the library, where I suffered utter defeat from Jason for his skills. The Blue Lagoon italian soda that was sold, was no more than high-quality Sprite with blue colouring. With such overpriced goods, it was highway robbery in disguise. :(

After which, we went to TRCC to withdraw our instruments from the respective storerooms. The percussion instruments were of main priority, due to their vast size. Played several nostalgic songs on the marimba with Hsien Hean, as people started coming in, such as Cassandra and Shuzhen. We departed to our dialogue session with Zaini, as MeiLing and Justina arrived. Was relatively informative, on the grounds that its duration was seemingly long. :X

Short practice for Romantic Energy where I was pushed to the YangQin. Ensuingly, we were supposed to practice some songs but due to the absentism of the score-IC, we were unallowed to do so. Practice Mo Li Hua for a short while before discovering the sudden jump in time. We packed up and hurried off. Having to reach home at a strikingly late hour, I had insufficient sleep to survive the torment of lessons the following day. :(

By happy chance, I was released from class at the premature time of 1.45pm. Having rushed home to catch up on my rejuvenation session last night, I reached home at 2.15pm. XD Thus, here I am blogging as an early bird.

P.S.: The holidays next week are punching the school days down as we prevision the bliss of each other's companionship. <3

2009-12-07T22:10:00.003+08:00

Having collaboration efforts with the International Student Club is beyond any doubt a exceptional situation I've encountered. Numero uno, I'm unaware of this IG. Until now, I've not much idea of what the IG actually is. :X Second on the list, the organising commitee of this event, are savvy in the area of music. :) It is unquestionably an asset that enables us to work much easily. We were given the scores and they weren't very difficult. I was just staggered by the fact that my parts were exaggeratedly simple, with barely minims and crotchets scattered all over the pieces of paper.

The meeting was quite enlightening as both parties had an attempt to communicate. I did try my utmost best too. Johnson and company are friendly people, although I don't deny that there was this girl who was constantly scrutinising me as I played the DiZi. Undeniably due to my absence of the instrument, I've lost the grasp of good skills in it. My bad :X

Such monotony in Republic Polytechnic, I've yet to undergo the same system tomorrow once again. Having Music Theory as a core module ain't some big cheese as some people perceive it to be. It's just like any other module, with the exception of having to go downstairs to the dark alley of E2 level 2 for the Vista Labs. As some rumoured of the haunting of Sally on teenage males, I don't have cold feet when I go there.

In such a situation, can I brainwash myself to think that I've not missed class and I still can do so once more? I'd do anything (even to subdue the almighty Sally) to be partial, and given an A! :X Such an infeasible idea ain't it? My bad once more!

P.S.: Sincerely apologising for my different use of words nowadays my dear. Let's work hard together! <3

2009-12-07T14:46:00.002+08:00

Yet, another day of such colourless life of Republic Polytechnic. Viewing the invariable and perpetual facilitator every week, has abducted all of my restoration from the previous night. I'd gladly confess for my attempt to gradually improve the English language since I've been of long truancy of using proper English. My bad :(

From early notice in the Webmail, I've been notified of the opening of the brand-new cafe in the library. :) It is of today, that I've made the painless effort to go ahead to the above mentioned. The usual hangout mates, Meiling and Justina, came along without complaint. Engulfed by the comforting and easeful atmosphere, it seems as though I was on a bed of roses upon arrival. Yet, considerably disappointed by the uneconomical prices, the food was definitely well-prepared and palatable.

Having Chinese Orchestra practice later on with the usual members, it's finally about time that I've taken the initiative to venture into the bottomless pit of scores in the storeroom for the Da Ruan parts of the pieces for the performance (since I may be requested to play the mentioned instrument.) God awful to say, due to my nature of dismissing thoughts from my mind, I've not brought my beloved plectrum, and would have to reclaim my pink plectrum (forgive me for having such a bizarre coloured plectrum) from Cassandra. :)

That shall mark the end of the blogpost. I'd endeavour for better English in my posts. All I know is, Good English is within our capabilities. It's whether we make the effort or not. :D

P.S.: Being totally enchanted by you, I'd live a lifetime with no regrets. <3

2009-12-06T18:36:00.002+08:00

Alot has been happening around these few days, okay maybe not that much, but at least more than an average boy would require :X

My dear facilitator has yet to assign the RJ until today, which has been like 2 days after the end of the class. Wondering how she will be able to grade us XD Just hope that we won't be downgraded, or the whole class will start complaining to STA :X

Today was the usual Bukit Batok CC CO practice. Cassandra, Joel and Shuzhen came down. Thanks alot! A few people were missing today, but hopefully full attendance next week's Sunday, since it will be the last practice. Cassandra had to play liuqin, while Joel and Shuzhen played erhu. :) Very amazing, because I myself was having difficulty catching up with the conductor's insane speed. Especially Cao Yuan Shang today, for the runny notes, they were more of like tremolos already, can!
Was given the Da San Xian score for Xi Yue, in stave notation. Tried out a little, not as difficult as Zhong Ruan parts, but the pitch range is a little tough for ruan to play. A nice challenge. :) Hope can play Da Ruan for the other songs, because I'm tired :X I want to slack, hehe :X my bad! I want to play liuqin :X the parts are much more fun!!! Hope I get to play liuqin some time during the orchestra :)

Tomorrow is another boring week! Damn ._. With a damn boring module to start the week, Sound Design. Argh =="

P.S.: Never on your handphone somomore! Was so worried you know! Wo ai ni <3

2009-12-05T17:32:00.002+08:00

Greetings all :) Here back to blog once again. I'm so glad that I'm blogging much more regularly than the past. As you all know, due to my lazy nature, I've taken the role as a "slacker" in almost every area of my life. :X Okay, maybe not all.

Miraculously, my RJ for yesterday's class, has yet to be assigned and opened. My facilitator had major problems with her MacBook (with loads of virus and stuffs I suppose), and that she placed it at the IT HelpDesk in school. I presume she did not have any internet access and was not able to assign and open the RJ for us.

After which, I gave up waiting for it to be opened last night. Just checked 5 minutes ago, and this was the result. ._. still not opened. XD

Tomorrow is another day at Bukit Batok CC Chinese Orchestra. :) Joel, Cassandra and ShuZhen are coming. :D Joel and Shuzhen on the Erhu while Cassandra will be playing LiuQin. :D Sadly, Shuzhen can't join us for the performance since she won't be in Singapore, but still grateful for her to come down to accompany us for practice. :) I'd bet tomorrow will be a great day.

Trying hard to learn several songs on ZhongRuan, mainly a Grade 7 and a Diploma piece. Quite challenging :) I hope I'll get to play them well, because they are great pieces! God bless :X

P.S.: I won't tell you what my mum bought :X lalala!!! wo ai ni <3

2009-12-04T22:34:00.002+08:00

Welcome back people to my humble blog :X Okay, I admit, sometimes I ain't that humble! XD My bad :X

Got a few performances opportunities coming up I suppose :) Having the quite large-scale Bukit Batok CC Chinese Orchestra performance on 20th December. :D Songs are the usual few, with a few additions like Xi Yue and some other tan bo yue xiao he zou. :) Several helpers coming to perform, like Joel, Shuzhen, Cassandra, Ying Ying, some SAJC people, some PJC people. The manpower seems a little more decent now. At least on the tan bo yue side, 3 zhongruan, 3 liuqin and 4 pipa. Probably 3 cello and 1 double bass, 3 to 4 dizi, 2 shengs, and idk how many huqin. :X So far confirmed is 3 to 4, definitely require a higher number of them. :D Just hope everything goes smooth and well. I do admit, I'm getting a little bored of the songs :X Maybe Xi Yue still quite okay :D

Along with that, there's some collaboration with some IG in school too. I suppose the International Student Club or something similar. Details to be confirmed though. :D It's around mid-January 2010. Small collaboration of probably only 4 to 5 members from RPCO. :)

I've been wondering, how long has it been since I actually properly practiced ruan. After the exam, I kinda slacked and never really practiced. :X Just 1 hour plus ago, I practiced on the ruan properly. Learning some new Grade 7 songs, since I'm really quite bored of Huo Ba Jie Zhi Ye and Feng Huang Hua Kai. :X I'm still trying to master You Tai Shan too :) Tough piece, alot of techniques in there. I've to work on my hua yins and fan yins man :X My lun also cmi after 1 week of not playing ruan. :X

So that's right :) Oh yes, went over to a small shop run by Joel's friend (I suppose) at Bugis. :) Opposite Mos Burger, and was quite a decent place with good accommodation. At least, better than Karl Heng, Doritale and Chinatown's. Eason still have good accommodation though :) Though the shop was specialising in Erhu, there were some Dizis around. Was disappointed to not see tan bo yue stuffs (as expected though :X). ShuZhen was busy Erhu shopping, and chose one that sounds nice and looks nice too. :) She reserved it and will be getting it next Sunday. Congratulations!

So Cassandra, Shuzhen and I went off, while Joel remained to practice there. :) After which we went home since it was time. :X Dog tired I'd say. TGIF man. :)

P.S.: No other, only you. For the rest of time. <3

2009-12-03T17:58:00.002+08:00

So hey people, back again for another blogging session :) I'm trying my best to blog as much as possible so that I can catch up on both my blog posts, along with my English! :X

Today is Studio Techniques class, at TRCC Music Studio 1 :) Was very fun, alot of equipment to learn. I tried my best to catch up, since there's alot to be learnt. Was fun :) Very fun in fact! :D I'm just glad I was'nt the "Voice-Over Talent". :X Finished class quite early, at around 2.30pm. (Not to forget the fact that there weren't any breaks in-between, I was literally starving!). Went to have a short meal before going home. :) Glad to have reached home early, around 4pm.

Okay off I go for my dinner :) Take cares people and see you all soon!

P.S.: Can we have a celebration, just the both of us? <3

2009-12-03T09:18:00.002+08:00

Hello people :)

Today's a boring day in school again, as usual! ._.

Oh yes, yesterday went to RPCO late in the afternoon since I didn't have class. Took the MRT from Yishun (It has been ages since I did that though!). And realised that the new 'Mechanical Doors' are operational. :) Quite cool thoughs.

Went over to CO practice and had quite alot of fun. :) Was the usual songs, but with much in-depth emphasis. Went to eat KFC with Hsien Hean and YikHung while the others went home. :) Then took train and bus home.

Today is Studio Techniques! Damn ._. Missed this class twice and it feels awkward to be back :X Class is supposed to start at 9.15am, and its alrdy 9.25am and my facilitator is still not here ._. I knew I should have slept in later! :X

Okay, that's about it! :) Take cares people and don't get too bored in class! XD

P.S.: Saturday's coming. I can't wait :X I love you <3

2009-12-01T22:37:00.002+08:00

Hello people :) I'm back once more to blog about my daily life!

Today was a considerably fun day, as it was another Music Theory lesson. I'm glad this module is not the really lecture-based style module like how I learnt Music Theory in the past. I'd prefer this method, of learning and also applying in compositions. :) It shows how the information we learn, can be really useful.

Yesyes, so I went to meet up with Justina in the morning to go to class together. Had to wait at the bus-stop early in the morning (and ending up that she was later than me! =="). See my bored face of me waiting for the stupid bus.

So that's right :) After which, today during 2nd break (supposedly to have lunch), ended up accompanying Justina to her blood extraction session for some test on Hepatitis A & B. Took 1 whole hour, was very long and had to rush off my composition in the end without having lunch. ._. was starving all the way till 4pm :X Had a late lunch (and early dinner of course!). Went to CO after that.

Instructor didn't come today so we managed by ourselves. Guided a little of the new songs to some of the CO mates, and went through a little of Yunnan with Cassandra again :) Was really tough, may need Ronald's help in future can! :X After which, when Cassandra left, we combined a little before we went off. There was a particular phrase in Mo Li Hua that required alot of practice for the tan bo yue peeps :) Practiced alot of it (and got bored! :X) but hopefully everyone can get it by tomorrow! :) Took the 169 bus to Woodlands MRT, Justina took her 168, while Yikhung, WenShan and I took the train, though we went different directions.

Tomorrow a day for rest, and definitely for some good productive work! I need to work on reading stave notation on the ZhongRuan! :) I hope I can do better soon, and if possible, will learn to transpose a certain melody into different keys so that I'm familiar with the different keys! That's right! Have CO in the evening too :) Hope that I won't be too tired!

P.S.: Will there be our private world, on Saturday my dear? <3

2009-11-30T21:33:00.004+08:00

Hey people!!! :)

Today was a fun day actually. Although had a very unhappy incident that happened :( During Sound Design class today, we were supposed to edit an audio mix, more of like we were given several tracks and supposed to merge and sync them, add necessary effects and from there, we get our final output. We split the job as each of us worked on a certain track, find out the necessary effects and they'll tell the 'compiler' the parameters. I was the compiler by the way :) Turned out, our mix was messy and confusing. I tried my best to sync them together, but I was too keen on placing all the tracks together at the same time, that made everything sound messy. Was criticized by my facilitator that it was "horrible" :( But well, we learn from mistakes right :D I hope I will do better next time!

Tried out a little of Reminisces of Yunnan 3rd Movement with Cassandra. Was a Piano-Ruan duet version. Was quite okay on my side since I've practiced the piece for quite a while, but poor Cassandra, as she have to sight-read today. She did quite well thoughs :) Was amazed by her good sight-reading skills! Played a few classical pieces with her, like Fur Elise and some weird song called Sad Sonata. Played a little of LiberTango too :) Oh yes, miraculously I managed to play Di Yi Er Hu Kuang Xiang Qu almost everything on the 1st try :X Hope my sight-reading continues to improve :) Ab major on Ruan is total coolness! :)

Tomorrow is another day of RPCO! :) Though Ronald not coming tomorrow, I still hope to practice a little. Sadly, Cassandra is not coming tomorrow. Joel is having a fever, hope he gets well soon. Take cares :) And ShuZhen is going off early to celebrate friend's birthday. That leaves with the few Dizi people, YikHung, Jeff, WenShan, MeiLing (Oh yes, Justina ain't coming too, she has to go for some jab!), the usual 3 ErHu girls, and I don't know who else. So going to practice some scores tomorrow, or at least learn some new songs (as I'm still learning to sight-read from stave notation on Ruan). :D

That's about it! Tomorrow's another day of Music Theory, all the best!

*edit: Shuzhen told me that her name was only mentioned once! So let's me mention SHUZHEN's name once more, so that SHUZHEN will be glad that SHUZHEN's name is on my blog as SHUZHEN reads the post about SHUZHEN. There! 7 times :X*

P.S.: The love, never dies, as long as I live. <3

2009-11-30T08:45:00.003+08:00

Welcome back people! :) Randal is here again to blog!

Today is another day in the boring Republic Polytechnic. I'm totally wiped out by the mere thought that I have to start the week with Sound Design, and end it with Music Composition. Oh my, the horror!!!

So yes, today's module is Sound Design. Have absolutely no idea what kind of problem it will be, but I just hope it won't be too difficult (As I'm still half-awake!). Thanks to some people who ask me to come to school early in the morning at 8.10am to 'open the storeroom door to put instrument' when the keys aren't with me! :X Wells, but never mind :) It's a good habit to wake up early, because sleeping sometimes is a waste of time :X Sleep enough for one's body, would be just nice. The rest of the time can be used more productively i prefer. :D

So that's about it! Enjoying my banana Pocky and F&N Grape as my breakfast :X How unhealthy! XD

So yes, that's about it :) Take cares people and have a nice day today.

P.S.: My dear, I know you will love my new stationary <3

2009-11-29T18:45:00.004+08:00

Hello people, glad to see all of you again! :) It has been a busy weekend and I think I really need some rest today. I'm so gonna sleep early tonight so that I won't be late for class tomorrow. :X

As mentioned, yesterday went to watch Ninja Assassin. Was more of a gore film instead of action actually. Knew that it was M18, but didn't expect such extreme gore. Details to be concealed though! :X On the overall, the storyline was very good, but the gore was unnecessary can ._. Was totally freaked out, and half of the time, was covering my face! :X Such a weak heart I have! You have a much stronger heart than mine! :X *growls!*

After which, we departed our ways and I went off to Tanjong Pagar to meet Hsien Hean, Shuzhen and Cassandra, in which we headed to Singapore Conference Hall for the NYPCO concert. :) Was very early, reached around half hour before show start. So we slacked around for a few moments before we were given entry to the hall. Chose a considerably good seat as the entire orchestra can be viewed. Thanks Hsien Hean, good choice! :)

On the overall, the performance was quite interesting. They took a special direction in Chinese Orchestra music, I would say! :) Although the Han Tian Lei was quite disappointing :( The melody was constantly repeating, but it was really cute. A jazz rendition to be precise :D I think they deserve a good applause for the new direction!
Shang Hai Tan was good as usual. Woodwinds forever powerful :) I saw Taurus as the Di Yin Suona, very loud and good. They had the One Night In Beijing, which was quite good. Jing Hu was a little too soft for a soloist. The Suona girl was really amazing!

They had a very interesting song, first of the kind. Musique De Cuisine, or something along that line. :X As the name speaks, the Food Music :X Percussionists used interesting 'mallets' like Butcher's Knives (How dangerous! XD). Some had pots & pans, salt and pepper shakers, pails, and some more which I've forgotten. A very interesting concept in the music direction too. Had 3 sections, a French 'Appetizer', a Japanese 'Main Course' and a Latin-American 'Dessert'. The nationality explains the mood and feel of the music. French style was cool, felt the sudden Paris feel :) Japanese small duet between Sanxian and Guzheng was commendable! The Sanxian guy was good :) Yet, the parts behind were quite disappointing. Constantly having similar repeats in the melody without any mood change. Yet, good song :)

They had a small percussion ensemble called Tribal Beat. More of a skit-like piece, with people wearing masks and playing the drums. 16 people on stage at that moment, amazing :) They had Tai Yang also. The orchestra was really good :) But the percussion soloists, I think they tried their best though! :) Although there was noticeable mistakes, and the soloists dropped their mallets, still a good attempt! :) They had an alien encore piece which I have no idea what it was, but quite energetic too! :D

After which, went to Lao Pa Sat for a short supper before going home. Had Black Currant Ice-Kachang. Very interesting, although the lollipop on top was totally uncalled for! Yet, the red-beans were totally incompatible for this dish. After which, trained home with Hsien Hean, as Shuzhen and Cassandra were not along the same line and direction as us. Amazingly saw Jeff in the train with a girl (probably his next target :X). Chatted a while, and then alighted. :D

Yesyes, that was all about yesterday. How about today? Today was another day at Bukit Batok Community Centre CO. :) Glad to have two ZhongRuan players to play together with. Okay, I did ask for their name, but I forgotten it already :X They tried their best :) Will try to guide them (although I'm still of no position to do that :X I'm still a 'freshman' in ZhongRuan!). Forgotten to bring my scores to practice today, ended up taking new scores for JiaWei. All was okay, until Xi Yue, in which I was given the conductor's score to play (since the only copy of the ZhongRuan score was with me!). Still quite okay, but I really need more practice in reading staff notation!
Was amazed by a great Cellist today. :) Her cello's "voice" was very loud, precise, and clear. Yet elegant and beautiful too. Such envy, she played so well. One day, I believe I'll play my ZhongRuan as great as her on her cello! (Although I know that this is a cross-instrument comparison, which is not very valid!). Her quaver-triplets were hell-of-a-good. I really hope to get to play DaRuan soon (Once there are people who can manage the ZhongRuan section without me!), because the DaRuan parts were very similar to cellos. And would like to try out something new, at least a new part in the song. :)

That's right. After which, went off already. Took a self-portrait again in the train. :X Such vanity of me ._.

Another day of school tomorrow, how boring. See you all people :)

P.S.: Love couple seats :X Loving you <3

2009-11-27T19:55:00.003+08:00

So, yes once again, I'm back to blog :) It's a public holiday today, namely Hari Raya (Haji I think :X). My bad for having such GREAT memory. (Do note the sarcasm, blur kings and queens :X)

Public Holiday is also a Family Day. Went out with my family to Ion Orchard for a shopping spree. Okay, poor pocket of my mum's :X Went for some massage, and I finished off earlier, so I had to wait for the rest. Hence, I took out my beloved camera phone and took a self-portrait. How horribly thick-skinned I am. View that bored face of mine if you may :X

It has been ages since I took a self-portrait. My bad :X Oh yes, I saw this really cool clock there too. Although majority of it is in Chinese, but it shows alot of information. I'd wish I had such a cool clock too. :)

Yes, that's it :) Oh yes, my mother actually bought a loaf of bread costing $20?! I was like "Oh my god, it costs a bomb!" And she went like "It's okay! Once in a while, we pamper ourselves!". But on bread, this is madness :X So gonna try some of it tomorrow morning :) With cranberries, blueberries, walnuts, oatmeals and many other stuffs that I forgot :X Would go great with my favourite tuna spread :)

Tomorrow will be another fun day. :) Off to watch a great movie, Ninja Assassin. Hope it will be interesting and exciting :D After all, it sounds so...Naruto :X Oh yes, also heard from ShuZhen that she may be getting a new ErHu soon :) Congratulations! Hope you can get your personal good ErHu soon, and remember to bring it to RPCO! I'll be the 1st to destro...I mean, have fun with it. *Evil laughter* Okay, just joking! Like as if I have such an evil plot up my sleeve! :X

Meeting up with Cassandra and ShuZhen to go off to Singapore Conference Hall to watch NYPCO's concert, Musical Variations, tomorrow, at 7.30. I even have the inside information of the songlist, take a look...

1) 旱天雷 (Thunderous Draught)
2) 上海滩 (Shanghai Bund)
3) 如燕 (Ru Yan, Theme from Little Nonya)
4) Tribal Beat
5) Musique De Cuisine

20 MINUTES INTERVAL

6) 天网 - 乐队与朗诵 (Celestial)
7) 北京一夜 (One Night in Beijing)
8) Kentucky and Suzanna
9) Hungarian Dance No 5
10) 太阳( The Sun)

Woops, my bad for revealing information before the show :X I'm looking forward to Thunderous Draught, Shanghai Bund, The Sun and Hungarian Dance No. 5. :) Sounds like it will be a great show. Will be seeing my senior, Taurus Yap :) Either yangqin or percussion I'd predict :X That's right! The Discipline Master (Okay, Ex-DM) of NSSCO :X

So that's about it for today :) More tomorrow, maybe even photographs (If my 'wonderful' memory allows me to recollect the issue of me having a camera-handphone in my pocket!). Alfiendseng! :P

P.S.: Nudge me on msn somemore, I'll nudge you real-life tomorrow! Hee <3

2009-11-26T20:25:00.002+08:00

Hey yo people! :) I'm trying my utmost best to blog as frequently as possible, since everyone is so KEEN ON KNOWING what's happening in my daily life. :D

So, that's right! I bet you all must be wondering how I've done for my grading exams. :X I find it, no big deal actually, just a short (less than 10minutes) display of my exam pieces to a local lady who barely looks at me when I play :) Not a single bit scared, nervous, afraid or any other negative feelings. Halfway through the exam, the sunlight brightened and I felt like it was so relaxing.

Oh yes, saw several SYCO ruan players there, first time seeing them in person. Okay, I don't deny, I sound like some over-obsessed fanboy now! Saw Minhui at the reception :) And Jonathan also. Someone asked what grade I was taking and how long I've learnt the instrument. She was shocked ==" and even more shocked when she found out that my teacher was Ms Foong. She was going "Woah!!!!!!!", or something like that. I'm just trying my best to work my way up to the powerful skills of being a professional Ruan player. :)

Okay, back to the exam! I did'nt really messed up much, but was'nt able to perform the whole piece (okay, not first time), and the examiner asked me to stop halfway or 3/4 way through. Now I feel that all that hard work to work on the ending portion of Xiao Mu Ming, was useless. :X Since its my first Ruan exam (Not to forget, only picking the instrument for 1 year, and having to jump 6 grades), I will be glad if I'd get a merit. In fact, more than happy :) I don't deny that I had alot of last minute preparations. The previous week when I was playing my exam pieces to ShuZhen, I flunked?! Then I panicked a little, before finally memorising the piece to play it smoothly. My bad, I'm such a slacker! :X I will definitely work harder next year. I can't expect myself to remember the whole of Reminsce of Yunnan (Any movement) within a week. That would be crazy :P

So thats right, exam is over. A whole fresh start on a better repertoire. First up on my life, Cao Yuan Yu Bei. :) Along with some others like Man Jiang Hong, Reminsces of Yunnan (All Movements), and hopefully, some Liu Xing solos like Wu Suo Shi Shi or Sui Xin Suo Yu. :) I've learnt Man Jiang Hong, just need to touch it up to make it sound better. 1st Movement of Yunnan too, I can't do the slapping of the strings well enough. Learnt a little of Wu Suo Shi Shi, here I come to learn the rest! :) Intending to get the NAFA grading book, Grade 7 - 9 and learn some of the tough pieces in there. :D

That's about it! :) I think I will have to work harder next year, if I'm aiming for that distinction! I just hope I don't die halfway while learning, because the songs are tough. :) God bless 2010, god bless Randyboi! :X Oh, and those who have been trying to encourage me, thanks alot! :) Special thanks to Cassandra, Justina, Wenshan, Shuzhen and my dear. :D I think the others have also been supporting me emotionally too, like Joel, YikHung and some others :) Thanks a bunch!

P.S.: I knew that if I suggested the 11.40am movie, you'd be late! XD Love you alot my dear! Ninja Assasin, here we come <3

2009-11-25T22:03:00.004+08:00

Hello people :) I'm back here again, to blog on my life, and would sincerely apologise for being in the 'missing-in-action' stage for the pass few days. Okay, on second thought, its just two days! I believe you all arent that impatient to know about my life, although all of you are DYING TO KNOW! XD

Thats right, yesterday was the usual Chinese Orchestra practice, and I went (even though i was still in the preparation stage for my grading exam)! Received a new song, Jasmine Flower (Orchestral Version) by Ronald yesterday, and was quite satisfied by its standard :X A little challenging, and I still don't deny that my sight-reading is quite bad. The constant chord changes killed me totally, along with the quaver triplets that had random semi-quavers in them! Damn, I still have much more to learn.

But everyone else was also doing quite fine! :) There was a certain passage, that Plucked Strings would play a phrase of triplets, and the Erhus would catch the next phrase after us! Shuzhen did great, thats what I'd say! The Woodwinds were doing wonderful too, and Wei Jie came, of course up to standard (since he took his Grade 8 exam this year).

Speaking of which, today was Joel's grading exam :) I bet he did well, he's always up to standard too! :) Such envy, to have learnt the same instrument since the mere age of 7. When I've to start mine at 17, I've alot more to catch up! God bless me, for I've jumped 6 Grades in 8 months, I'm amazed myself. But then I question myself, have I really got a good foundation on Ruan? My right hand can't do perfect tremolos, my left hand can't move quick enough when it comes to quick passages, and my mind ain't perfect enough to switch moods in between songs! I've got alot to work on, but for the moment, a pass for my exam will do! :)

I've only picked up the instrument for barely 1 year. Not feeling inferior or what, but in comparison to Joel, Cassandra, Shuzhen and the others, I've lagged alot! :( They picked up their instrument for at least 3-4 years and more, having a great foundation in their instrument. Me? I've hopped many instruments in search for my 'love of my life' and found it only last year November. How sad :X to have been in the music field for 10+ years, and only found my dream instrument last year! Anyways, cutting the negative talk, I will work hard! Catching up with the seniors like Clara, Sophy, Jonathan, Kenny and Yu Heng (A few ruan players who used to/are in SYCO). Hope to play alongside all of you soon! And lastly of course, Ms Foong, hoping to play alongside her someday too! :)

Shuzhen, thanks alot for the support! I will work hard, and remember the song as though its my name! After all, in every test in the past (like maybe Primary/Secondary School), I'd write my name at the top of the paper first! No matter what, I would'nt forget it! The familiarity of the name, is beyond 100%! :) Thanks, I'll work hard, and to 'pay you back' for not going to Chinese Orchestra today, with a Merit (okay, or maybe Distinction!).

Cassandra and Joel, thanks also! :) Will work hard for my exam and make you all proud! Then I will also have the time-off to arrange songs, and we can play together! :) I'd bet Shuzhen will love those Jay Chou songs! The 1st one, Ting Ma Ma De Hua? XD I'd bet Cassandra's waiting for the Reminsces Of Yunnan 2nd and 3rd Movement (In which I have the piano scores ready already). And Joel, maybe San Liu? :X

My dear, thanks alot for the support too! :3 I think without you, I won't have 'survived' so much in my pressure for the exam! Hope that you will get that New Moon prize too :) I want the tickets :X Hehe! My bad, naughty me! :X I love you!

Family, really great support! :) Always there, whether is it a performance, a small recital, or even when I'm practicing my piece in my room. Love you too :)

Okay, cut the thanks here and there! Now it sounds as though I've gotten the Red Star Big Awards (Direct translated from Chinese). Oh, not to forget, Wei Jie brought a few songs to RPCO yesterday. Was surprised to see my *trashed idea from secondary school* song, from my Secondary School days. Four Hands, by Jay Chou's Secret. Its when Xiao Yu and Xiang Lun plays the duet together, that small piece of around 1minute plus. I trashed the idea because it seems too hard. Glad to see it again :) Along with a medley he created, from a few artistes like Wayne Lin and more. Looking forward to trying it out on Tuesday next week!

*Yawns* Time for me to go to bed! A long stretch of words today, I would say! And I'm procrastinating my 'vow to sleep early' idea. My bad once more! Okay, nights people! :) Hope all of you are having a nice time. Secondary and Primary School students, Happy Holidays! RP students, 2 more weeks :) Good night and take care! Signing off!

P.S.: I'd yearn for the day, we'd make our next kiss, have our next hug. <3

2009-11-23T08:41:00.003+08:00

Hello people! :) Here to blog again but with a whole new system actually!

Got realise or not? I'm trying my best to blog in purrrrfect english. I kinda feel that I've lagged out alot on English, and that I've always blogged, typed and smsed in many short forms. My bad, now I have so much to catch up on English! :X

God bless, I'm in Music Theory class now, and having to compose music AGAIN, really bores me to the maximum! :X Learning about chord progressions, (although undeniably, I've forgotten 80% of chord knowledge), its a good revision for me! :) At least I'm reminded of the augmented, diminished, dominant and seventh chords. My bad for not remembering my Music Theory well enough, now I have to work hard to revise! :(

Okay, 1st break has begun, and its time for me to grab some food for breakfast :) See you all around and all the best!

P.S.: My dear, I bet you will be shocked at my sudden language and emoticon change :X

2009-11-22T21:11:00.002+08:00

uh oh!!! another long time for me not blogging! what to do, now busy preparing for grading exam on thursday, my doomsday XD haha! realli hate music exams, always freak me out at the mere thought of having like 2-3 examiners staring at u as u play ALONE ==" damn! i'm so gonna freak out =X

ops, my bad, missed another day of BBCC =X although familiar wif the songs already, doesnt mean i can slack of course =X heard got alot ppl go bbcc today! SAJC n PJC to be precise =D SAJC heard got 1 erhu, 1 pipa, 1 liuqin, and 1 zhongruan =D haha! glad to hav more tan bo ppl =D and an erhu to accompany WanTing XD hope that the zhongruan guy can jyjy, then i can slack and play da ruan XD that way, i also dun hav to bring my ruan everytime to bbcc =X cos i find their zhongruan a lil soft and out of tune =X haha XD maybe i jus request too much =X

anywayssss XD haha! tmr's sch AGAIN! ==" damn it! school's BORINGGGGGGG! i'd wish for holidays to arrive at my doorstep this moment can! tiredness engulfs me =X going ruan hunting this coming saturday, glad of it =D i'm in search of a good beijing ruan actually! i saw some suzhou and shanghai ones at doritale enterprise at meilin street though =D although i dun realli like those with the circle holes, i was quite amazed by the price along with a considerably okay okay tonal quality! was quite satisfied with a shanghai one, with the S shape! costs onli $550! the onli reason i wouldnt buy it is because the strings are dunhuang strings! i dun like =X too hard to press XD
another one, which price scares me, is the one at eason! okay lar, it has the magical touch, easy to press, has a very vibrant volume, and great tonal quality! it looks great too, with the dove holes! red tone, instead of the usual black, which makes it different and special =D steel frets, hence allowing it to be more vibrant and heavy toned instead of floating tones like some suzhou ones =X okay lar, i admit! its exp ==" dun wanna mention the price, but i'll promise! i'll get it! next year will be the year! i hope no one gets it though :P then it'll be all mine! MINEEEEE XD

yeaps! =X that was the psycho me going crazy -again- over zhongruans XD i wanna get a xiao ruan and a gao yin ruan too next time when i've established a gd foundation in zhongruan, probably diploma or smth near! and after which, minoring in liuqin probably! i tink its a gd instrument to learn because it helps in my ruan too, since fingerings are similar! although i dun deny, liuqin is realli quite small for me =X

wahaha tats all bahhs XD nid my slp for tmr's class! nights ppl! :) take gd cares and see ya around!

P.S.: Night Assassin with you, my dear! i cant wait <3

2009-11-17T15:10:00.003+08:00

finished class alrdy =D like jus now, at arnd 2.15! HAHA!

supposed to be finish at 1pm, but faci screened the 6p (which is actually a video) and then we pack up our equipment and go home! XD quite fun today although 50% of the time, i was stoning and wondering what alien language my teammates were saying! XD jasmine, yeh ying, shukhan and i were the main 'stones' today XD doing the 'manual labour' stuffs like coiling wire, taping wire, and setting up speakers n stuffs! HAHA! the wire stuffs done by navin and ahmad thoughs =D two year 3 pros!

yeaps =D today mr tan not coming for CO, so end up i send sms to some co peeps who r unaware of it, that today no practice lor XD awaiting for tmr's CO practice! gt saima, which i'm quite looking forward to! =D xiao dao hui (xu qu), also another song i'm familiar with! but...BORING SONG can!!! =X and wu shu, also a little boring! hua hao yue yuan, a little more fun! but still boring =X haha! XD i wan xin jiang hui xuan qu! =X i wan many sharps, many flats, many majors, many tempo changes, many moods de song! XD like jiang jun ling! like jiu ge! like fei tian! roar! =X i wan fun XD

but wells, slowly la =D man man lai! we build up! i rather we play all these easy traditional songs 1st, and built up our reputation, before attempting tough ones like long teng hu yue, xin jiang hui xuan qu, and maybe even hong qi qu or tian shan sheng hui in future XD yeaps! =D jiayous ppl!

tats all! :P off i go! signing off!

P.S.: Love only exists, when there is you and me! <3

2009-11-13T10:21:00.002+08:00

bwahaha! here i am again! blogging! =D

i've learnt to love ruan more n more everytime i play it honestly! =D i'm glad i'm loving it more n more! temptations to get all the types of ruans, and learn to play them well! ranging from gao yin ruan, xiao ruan, zhong ruan, all the way to da ruan and di ying ruan! =D i've vowed to love ruan for life, play it well and let everyone enjoy its beautiful mellow sound! =D

saving up to buy a great ruan from eason, tried it out and the sound is very gd, brilliant and loud, finely tuned to perfection! i think i should get different variations of ruans, trying them out and finding my true 'lover' LOL! =D

i find the sound of ruan, extremely amazing =D especially zhongruan, it has a very mellow sound but not dull a single bit! it can be a great harmony instrument, but can also produce great melodies in many forms like harmonics, arpeggios, tremolos, and many more!! =D i love ruan, thats what i can say!

but not to forget, there are many things i love too! =D loving great friends, esp co peeps =D haha! got small 'clique' alrdy o.o a small quartet by joel, cassie, shuzhen and i =D gonna venture into many different genres of songs, and produce nice music together, happily and worry-lessly! =D wonder what will be our name! LOL! =D that aint so impt, more impt is the music! XD

also loving my family larhhs of course! always supporting me in what i do! coming down to watch my concert, my solo, and listening to me play some 'rubbish' at home XD haha! i'd promise i'll practice much harder to produce better music =D

never to forget, i love you my dear! =X although i know, i'm being a bad boy at times to go home late because of CO! making u worry and stuffs, i'm realli sorry =X thank you so much my dear, for letting me stay up so late for CO, although u r worried and stuffs! promise wont stay too late lerrs! promised, for the vow of love! wo ai ni!

haha! and not to forget, i love my blog! LOL! i'm addicted to the music can ==" now i feel like playing yunnan lar! grrr! no zhongruan near me! ROAR!

P.S.: My dear, i miss you! it has been two weeks, hope to see you soon <3

2009-11-09T22:32:00.003+08:00

lalala! i'm back to blog again! my god, so very sry for not blogging for such a LONGGGGG time! =X haha! XD ok not very long, just 3 days! =X

yeaps, another monday, another week =D not that i'm tired, sian or what, but i'm realli glad its music theory =D met justina in the morning, go class do PDT and worksheet! went to vista lab again to use the equipment, lovely electronic piano with wonderful Apple iMac (double monitor can!!!), amazing speakers, and great 'romantic' atmosphere, machiam hotel room! haha! =D all leads to a great composing experience definitely! =D i like it! in fact, i love it! =X in future, i will go thr very often to compose my music for CO haha XD that is, i hope its available =X

okay, nvm that! after sch was music composition UT, and i had a feeling i flunked o.o haha! question went like, What is Instrumentation, and its effect on music composition! i stunned thr for 3 minutes, and wrote 500 words of idk what i writing XD wonder whether i'd get 10/10 for that qn XD haha!

after school went to meet joel, cassie and suzie o.o haha! nice of cassie to wait for me n shuzhen even though they no UT! chatted a short while before off to cosway! had a short meal at food horizon, how many months hav i not went thr ==" finally go thr! save money!! ltr i tell u all why i'm saving! XD yeaps =D played a lil arcade (i also dk hw long nv go thr liao!) thanks joel for treating us to play the hammering game! LOL although its more of pressing those hamsters, if u noe what i mean =X joel played a plushy catching game, n as usual, the stupid machine cheated money! ==" hate timezone and their evil plot! they even have a machine which...u hav to play stacker 1st (which is alrdy cheating money!!!) and then hav to play the plushy catching? jus to catch the plush toy ==" haha!!! its like, 2 way cheating! =X

went off, but weirdly stopped near the mrt station and chatted for a long half hr i think o.o HAHA! thanks cassie and joel, i know u all understand =D shuzhen, we in same boat! LOL =X yeaps, had a decent chat before going off! the east side ppl take 168, while me n suzie took train =D shuzhen =X north and east can link! thats why got north east line! =X but west side cannot link with north side XD no such thing as north-west line ma! XD we then departed our ways home =D

oh and miraculously, i'm charging my psp! thanks to my stml-ness, i lost my Samsung hp to earpiece connector! now i cant use my earpiece to put inside my pixon ==" hav to listen music thru psp liao! haha! XD but finally, i'm making use of this psp of mine! =D wouldnt wanna let it rot XD and aft all, psp's system of listening music, is considerably good too!!! =D probably better than my pixon =X

oh yea! back to what i said, u mus be wondering why i'm saving money! i know all of u blog fans are eager, DYING to know about my life and the tiniest details of it! XD okok, bhb me, like totally XD yeahs! i've vowed, to save cash to get myself that 1.5k zhongruan at eason enterprise! =D even if i cant save it in time before someone buys it, at least i got enuff cash to get a very good zhongruan costing 1k+ from SOMEWHERE =X its very good quality zhongruan, with good wood, great tonal quality, brilliant volume, dense and heavy wood to represent quality, metal frets to bring out gd quality sound, nice tornado-style tuning pegs, nice and light casing for it, 1 set of strings! at least...it aint as exp as the 2k+ one in the cabinet ==" i find the 1k+ one, btr leh o.o haha XD

i hope i pass my zhongruan exams, although i have a little confidence, but not confident enuff yet, since its my 1st zhongruan exam =X i hope i do well! wonder whether i'd get distinction =X haha! okay, thats too ambitious for me! XD i'm so gonna try my best though! =D at least, i hope i'd pass all the way to diploma grade, and then i'll be confident enuff to enter one of the ruan ensembles in singapore! =D

last but not least, tmr got CO =D again, another CO practice! tmr idk practice wat songs, but i wan practice qing dian wif shuzhen XD maybe pass to cassie the zhongruan-pipa duet to try out! =D and the erhu-zhongruan duet too! along wif saima for erhu-orchestra XD and i'll also be off to practice my exam pieces, chionging liao =D memorising scores, here i come XD

P.S.: My life is leading great. Is it true that TBY and XY, not GY come tgt as B? =X

2009-11-06T09:05:00.002+08:00

ops! how many days i nv catch up on my blog le ar!? haha! XD at least i'm back again!

many days has passed, alot has happened, but randal's still randal! =D tats definite!

RPCO's reflections just passed! had alot of trouble during bump in, and ronald was quite unhappy with some stuffs, but at least everything went by professionally =D yeaps!!

on reflections day, everything went quite well =D my zhongruan solo had mistakes, grrr ==" there goes my few days of chionging! XD but at least, i'm glad! its my first solo in RPCO =D wasnt very nervous though, but was realli fun playing with the small ensemble behind =D the dizis were very gd =D although many still commented that han song stole the limelight from the actual leading performer =X

yeaps =D the full orchestral pieces were quite gd too! chun jie was a small warm up for us, hence a few mistakes! but when approaching Jiang Jun Ling and Cao Yuan Shang, we got the hang of it at least =D and voila, we were almost mistakeless! i vowed to play the pai gu with all my might since its the 2nd last song XD realli tiring, but at least it doesnt sound soft, since we r missing the drum set! i liked the encore too =D although i flunked a lil at the 5/8 time signature! =X

thanks mum, dad, uncle gerald and friend, my dear, irene teo, cassendra and bf, junliang and friends, weihow and friend, marilyn, angeline, stephanie, and the wushu ppl! for taking the time down to watch the performance, and glad u all enjoyed it lots! yeahhs! =D

thanks mr ronald tan, for teaching us so that we can play so nicely! other performers, thanks for performing tgt with rpco, and tolerating any other unhappiness along the way! realli appreciate it! =D

ytd went to watch GenRE's performance! =D bravo! i liked the nice familiar pieces like merry xmas mr lawrence, quando quando quando, peer gynt - anitra's dance, and besame mucho! =D all very nice! very gd! =D i'd watch it next year again!

today's friday! TGIF! =D tough problem today, damn! ==" i intending to go home early today XD chionging home after school today =D

P.S.: My dear, I wanna share the cherry float with you again <3

2009-10-27T13:19:00.002+08:00

haha i'm supposed to be doing work, but here i am, blogging in the midst of class! HAHA! XD

wells, today is another studio techniques day! whole day without breaks but faci SAID we would end early! now alrdy 1.21pm lers, still not yet end! faci bluff our feelings! haha! XD but wells, quite tough larrs, no break thruout, and i'm practically starving ==" ltr going to go have lunch at trcc with xinhui probably :P i wan the fried rice!!!! =X wahaha!

yeahhs :P today is about setting up microphones, sound system, speakers, audio mixer and many others! =D quite fun, but nothing much to do after that! yeahhs :P thats it, i heard faci saying "lets start!" and off i go to presentation! XD see ya arnd ppl! :P

P.S.: My dear, i miss you already! <3

2009-10-25T20:09:00.003+08:00

heyhey ppl XD bwahaha!

back to blog again! i kip feeling tat i'm not a frequent blogger! haha!!! XD i shld realli blog more often!

ytd was a great day! hav a very productive CO practice with many other external performers, like kenny, kailing, weijie and kenny's friend! haha! :P yeaps! a much 'whole' orchestra now, with a much crowdy feel to the music, it makes it seem less lonely and silent! =D its a great outcome, thats for sure! =D definitely looking forward to the performance! with help from the kind pjc girls, lingzi the pipa pro, weijie the diguan/dizi pro, kenny the percussion pro, kailing also percussion pro, and kenny's friend, another pro! XD jason also came, not to forget! another pro! :P thanks alot, sincere thanks!

yeaps! today is another day in BBCC! :P also very nice and productive =D the ppl also arnd the same la! and played feng shou zhi ge! =X practically, i'm the onli one playing! eeeee =X no fair! haha! maybe cos they having a lil difficulties, cos they reading stave notation de! jyjy! :P

watched Imagine That, and was realli funny show! a lil lame at some parts, n i ALMOST fell aslp at another part, but overall, was a gd show! of course, watching with who, also matters! =X hehe! and realli love lot 1's food =D not i copy u eat chicken rice lor =X wahaha! XD

P.S.: My dear! My heart is yours, for the rest of my life. forever! <3

2009-10-23T09:09:00.002+08:00

heys ppl!

yeaps, here in class with 3 other ppl, and its alrdy 9.10 and onli can form one team! power bo! LOL! i find it amazing! =X

hope today will be a nice day! slept quite late last night rushing out some stuffs, and didnt manage to rush out in the end, today have to do it...and then after sch got meeting!

hais, i wanna rest! i wanna take a break, and be with you only. my mind would only be filled with you, and nothing else! i'd wish that day would come, soon...

P.S.: I'd yearn, and wait...and wish, you can tell me how you feel...towards me <3

2009-10-22T21:37:00.002+08:00

i jus demand too much, dont i?

i hate myself for being this way ._. i dont wanna be a burden to your life, i dont wanna kip adding unhappiness to your life! argh! ==" i think we realli hav to find a time, we meet up and iron out all these stupid problems of mine =/ am i changing my dear? am i, becoming unreasonable and demanding too much? my dear, tell me...=( i dun like myself anymore! in fact, i hate myself =(

and dun ask me not to be lidat, because i jus cant =/ i realli trying to tink very much happy stuffies!

P.S.: Am I...irritating?

2009-10-22T20:30:00.002+08:00

haha heys ppl =D

lately kinda bz due to CO matters as usual! =X sry wors, havent been catching up much! and i know HOW MANY PEOPLE are interested in my daily life! *whispers: stalkers!* =X

haha! but ya lors! anyways, back to topic! yeaps! today, another day in school! music composition, considerably interesting module which met some nice classmates, which are quite helpful =D composed some songs today, didnt realli play a major role in playing instruments XD not realli into this kind of compositions =X i'd rather play pieces from scores x.x haha! XD but still, i help them write the score out because they are like "randalll, do laaaa" haha! XD the soft hearted me, gave in and help out! i kinda presented the score and their representations =X and all of my teammates were like "way to go randal!" haha! mad but fun teammates =P

yeaps! very sick now x.x coughing throughout the whole day o.o i hope i recover soon! =D randal vows to not drink cold drinks for now! =X

oh yes! XD ytd was kinda the 100% preview for RPCO! quite okok la, a lil chaotic since the external helpers are finally here =D and i'm glad they are! esp lingzi and the pjc girls! not to forget felix and kenny too! and jeff too =D yeaps, quite ok on the overall, nids some more practice =D played through some of the songs after the preview before practicing transitions! kinda pissed by the students in charge by their orders, as we are realli tired and hav to walk so fast, with our heavy instruments! like poor pipas, zhongruans and shengs! haha!

then blah blah blah, cant be bothered to bring up the unhappy parts, not worth my unhappiness a single bit! XD yeaps, then walked off to cosway point, when yikhung and shuzhen departed to take cab, while the rest of us took our public transport =D reached home before 11.30pm, amazing! =X

would like to deeply thank Sia Ang for helping out in many great ways, realli thanks! like encouragement, helping out, giving advice and giving care n concern also! thanks kavitha for constant reminders and many others too! grace and yijing, sometimes a lil hot tempered, but still thanks for helping us get the show going.

P.S.: I just dont know, maybe consoling me aint just about giving me sad faces and stuffs lidat but more of consoling, mushy maybe, sentences that can realli put my mind at ease at times. hais, i jus dont wanna make u unhappy, thats why i nv say anything <3

2009-10-20T13:55:00.004+08:00

been ages since i caught up wif shermane they all cos realli bz nowadays thx to reflections!

glad to be back with them once in a while to have meals =D reminisce the nice days in the past =D quite nice to be back once in a while! some photos!

Peace!~

P.S.: My dear, i miss you! hehe! awaiting for 5pm <3

2009-10-20T10:24:00.003+08:00

u'd say you speak alot, i'd take it from your words because you are my love.

i followed ur words, and wished they'd come thru.

but whenever i followed my heart and desires, they didnt come thru. whenever i voiced out how sad i was, i'd gain just a sentence from you. its either a repetitive sentence, an emoticon, or a few words trying to console me. but i dun tink it works, at least for me =/

i'd wish that at times, i'd say "i'm very sorry, i caused ur morning to be a bad one!" or smth like that, and u jus said "noooooo" although of course, it kinda brought across the message that i didnt spoil ur morning, but i find it not enuff...i mean, i duno =/ its ur style of speech rights? who am i to alter it =/ even if i'm your boyfriend, i aint ur puppetmaster, and i dont wanna be ur puppetmaster. i'd rather u'd do things urself willingly! telling me things like "who said you spoilt my morning! i tink i spoilt urs instead...i dont deserve to be a gd lover." or smth lidat =/ but wells, aint ur style i tink x.x

i just keep feeling that i'm at fault, because u hardly say its urs (of course, not that i wished u said). you keep saying "dont lidat dont lidat". i feel like, i just kip bringing everything upon myself. i'm like this, because of myself? or...?

argh, nvm x.x i realli hate myself. i cant voice out my true views at times, because i dont wanna see you so unhappy. i dun wanna see you so sad and emo just by talking to me. i'd wish you are happy everytime u speak to me! but i'd jus admit, maybe everytime i speak, i jus feel unhappy over some stuffs. is it jus me being sensitive? or is it a necessity in love that i feel this way? am i too submissive? i'd sacrifice many things for you, in fact everything. but hais...wat has gotten into me? is it jus me? is it my fault? i've teared in class x.x argh.

i dont wanna flare up, i dont wanna be so angry at you. in fact, i dun even wanna show how angry i am. but wells, i duno when, if it may happen...

P.S.: I dont wanna break up with you. <3

2009-10-20T09:07:00.004+08:00

okok, seriously the prev blogpost of mine, was realli realli emo! roar!

wells, ANYWAYSSS...today is a whole new day in school! (like finally!) and its studio techniques! (if u rmb, this is the module last week, when i blogged like...5-6 times in a day?) haha! thx to its boring-ness! XD i hope that today wont be so boring also =D

but yeaps, aft sch got CO again =D hopefully can go thru some of the songs with the orchestra before conductor arrives! since tmr is like, the 100% preview? i hope everything goes well! esp my solo x.x haha! :P yeaps =D

thx to my stupid ankle sprain, i'm like having difficulties walking ==" it hurts the hell esp when i climb the stairs! imagine the bridge i have to cross in order to go RP! haha! but still, i survived! =D

now in class, pure silence! haha! no ones talking omg! :P and i jus realised that my classmate is reading my blog! haha! hadah, its ok =D but dun mind my emo-ness XD big diff from real life ehhs! LOL! hope u r reading this! haha! XD

yeaps, thats all for now bahs =D lets see whether i gonna have a 2nd blogpost today anot XD

P.S.: My dear! i'm sorry alot about yesterday...i think i shouldnt have been so wilful =/ forgive your boyfriend this once, ke yi mahhs? i'd wish we live happily ever after, forever <3

People say love aint smooth all the time.

Sweet as sugar, but sour as lime.

But of course, knowing that love aint a crime.

But aint simple as a small dime.

I'd love you, against all odds.

We are a couple, arranged by God.

Aint like catching any other fish with a rod.

But if u asked whether u are special, i'd nod.

Thats the only reason, i fell for you.

Ignoring any other's points of view.

Like, who cares! Its only a few.

Because we are so strong, no wind could blew.

To add on, thrs onli 9 ppl in my class now! XD

2009-10-19T20:20:00.002+08:00

its no use =/ i still tear every night...crying bitterly.

i duno? i'd wish you speak a lil more. how long was ur absence? to me, its like ages. idk, am i jus being too much? i'd tear everytime the topic arises, because i always hope for a positive or at least, a better outcome. disappointed, maybe a yes thr, but is it all because i ask too much? because i'd jus wish you'd said more than "anyhow!", those emoticons and "bleh!".

i'd always wished for better and more (ok i noe not everyone is comfortable with this word) mushy and touching. i'd always say things like, how much i miss you, that i've learnt to cherish you and the chance of communicating so 'freely' and 'easily' with you. i'd say how much your absence, make me realise how much i love you, and that without you, i wont do.

but whenever i say those, u give realli realli short replies. i told u alrdy, u seemed like u didnt care =/ of course, i wished (and always will think) that u care x.x but ur words and actions sometimes, may make me think that u dont care =/ i dont know, am i jus thinking too much?

i duno, i find that everything's changed after ur trip. ur words hav no 'touching-ness' in it alrdy, whenever i said i miss u (and aft tat a huge chunk of touching and mushy words), u'd say some realli sweet and touching stuffs to me...u'd do something real sweet like gimme a random sms out of nowhere the next day =X or gimme a random call x.x i'd wish for one, i'd wait for one, in fact, i'd long for one now...

was our relationship too smooth? heard from others that relationships hav rocky roads. until today, not realli much of that 'rockiness'. and when the rockiness come, they come as a landslide...too much for me to hold onto alrdy =/

maybe, i jus yearn too much. you say sorry, i can feel ur apologetic-ness, but maybe thrs more than a sorry. of course, not saying that i'd neglect ur sorry. but sometimes, sorry doesnt cure =/ i'd wish for more than that. but once again, m i wishing for too much?

P.S.: I love you so much, the only source of happiness or sadness, would be from you <3

2009-10-19T14:18:00.003+08:00

ops =X one week nv blog le! XD but fear not! i'm back :P

yeaps, nowadays ar, hai hao lors! realli bz with preparations of reflections, that i'm so tired lahs! roar! =X but yeahs, all for the show =D i'd do it, so that it'll be a gd show! haha XD jiayous all!

ytd went to bbcc lors XD as per normal! practiced several songs, chun jie and gang shui =D then xi yue, which was all quite fun! my zhongruan skills a lil cmi, because sui ran can play, but cant play it superb well! =X haha, jiayous randal! of course, jyjy everyone else too =D played a lil yangbian with gene too =D jyjy!

then went to botanic gardens! watched SCO performance, 2 suites :P Spring Suite and Carmen Suite! Tian Shan Sheng Hui XD bwahaha! =X and Habanera!!! :P all very nice songs definitely, played by the all professional SCO =D very inspirational!
sadly, sprained my ankle on the way back to the busstop! haha! wells, what to do! no use complaining n stuffs, right? =X jus hope it'll recover soon =D thanks my dear for the great concern, wo ai ni! =X

haha! =D ya lors! then today resting at home and recuperating! x.x i wan go back sch larhs! like, miss out on alot of things le lor =X hope tmr can go! cos i woke up today, unable to walk! haha XD

thats all bahs XD off i go to arrange my Chinese Orchestra scores, for my portfolio :P

P.S.: I'm just glad we are in love. I'd think lesser of anything else, for you. <3

2009-10-11T20:39:00.002+08:00

boo =D hello ppl! XD here to blog again!

today's sunday, another day of CO at bukit batok CC, very fun as usual! went through same old songs, jiang jun ling, cao yuan shang and xi yue XD yeaps, had alot of fun playing music and realli enjoy playing the zhongruan (as usual) :P idk why but i feel realli gd when playing the zhongruan O.O even when its a simple note or short piece, its fun also O.O its jus playing of the instrument, that makes me hav that "omg, i love this!" feel! LOL XD

yeaps, had a short extended practice at a small classroom with gene n wenshan =D wenshan 'photocopied' Spiritual Transformation using her hand and pen XD powerful copying o.o she says she wanna SHOW lingzi that she copy very nicenice, always say me showoff, its her turn to be showoff XD

had late lunch at bbcc, went to westmall had some nice ice-cream at udders O.O which i jus kinda realised there was one at westmall! omg, alcoholic icecream, is nice =D rum and raisin, addictive =X bwahaha! yeaps, returned books, and then head off home =D

now here in front of my laptop blogging n aft this, idk what i gonna do XD still wondering tmr shld i go school =X omg! pon king is back x.x at least, for 1 time each module =X bwahaha!

Love is in the air, even a far distance away.

Living life without you, is like years eventhough its just a day.

Yet in love, many sacrifices we have to pay.

Because love aint just about words to say.

Just a while more, i'm still waiting for you here.

Because its your warmth i miss so much, my dear.

Loneliness and loveless, i so very fear.

Its your voice i so wanna hear.

P.S.: My dear, i'm still waiting! <3

2009-10-09T23:03:00.003+08:00

hello ppl =D here to blog again after 5 weekdays, initiating the weekends!

yeaps, had a long week, idk why, v tired and restless. maybe because u arent here x.x i'd wish u were here =X roar! XD "stole" some scores from TRCC today, and will be intending to leave a copy at my side here for future references (learn from mr ronald tan de! XD because he 'collects' scores since he's a conductor!) and i hope i'd be a conductor too in future, hence having many scores would be beneficial =D haha! next step is to get my hands on those conductor scores he hav! bwahaha! =X evil me XD

wrote finish Spiritual Transformation, quite a complicated song and hope to try it out as an ensemble on sunday at bbcc =D gene wrote a few pages of it today too XD yeaps =D all is in C major, with some accidentals here n thr :P seems like a fun song to me!

and then went to celebrate gene's bdae at pastamania with her :P not realli much appetite, but cravings XD didnt eat carbonara because its exp x.x ate creamy chicken, not bad =D to me, a lil bland no matter how much salt i added =X had delicious apple crumble pizza (which i did not finish!) and blackcurrent italian soda! totally heavenly! XD then bdae cake came, cut cake and eat! couldnt even finish half of what i was given x.x and then went for a short walk before going home! XD
oh yes, not to forget! i went to comics connections to get a new hitsugaya wallet because my old one was realli old XD love my new one, but will never throw my old one away, because you were the one that gave it to me =X

i wont be surprised that i speak lesser these few days, whether in real life, msn, sms or any other forms of communication x.x i'm purely lovesick...i tink x.x having mysterious headaches from no where! coughing from no where ==" and totally restless, tired n weak for nothing! x.x moodless and dun feel like doing anything much, even bored of going to class, and lazy to even walk to cosway point (took bus instead!) speak lesser n not in the mood for realli realli draggy topics of discussion, dun realli kaypoh much anymore and hardly ask much questions alrdy! =X i jus feel lonely, empty, emotionally unstable...without you arnd. i think without you, life is realli weird and strange. i find no meaning, to smile much x.x

That heartbeat of yours, i always felt.

Was wonderful music that my heart would melt.

Your absence is something so hard to be dealt.

So painful, like a tightened belt.

Your voice i miss, so gentle and kind.

I'd listen it forever, and i would'nt mind!
Because there aint another you, that i could find.

Our hearts merged, with a string never broken, always bind.

This love is true, i know it well.

Its just like Cupid came ringing on my doorbell.

It wasnt cookies or cakes it wanted to sell.

"You two are meant to be together", thats what it tell.

P.S.: I'd wish yoshi and you were back! <3

2009-10-06T23:45:00.002+08:00

heyys :P last post of the day before i go off to sleep!

jus now had a pleasant CO practice, and was constantly practicing Garden After Rain and flunked when playing liuqin! i'm still more used to my zhongruan =X bwahaha! :P

yeaps XD and then went to eat at KFC, which i onli drank water! supposed to share with gene, but in the end i drink all ==" and compensated her one =X bwahaha :P went home and yahs, now i at home le! XD jus done RJ and probably going off to sleep soon! =D

P.S.: I wanna hug you to sleep and wish we'd stay like that forever <3

2009-10-06T13:50:00.004+08:00

boo i'm here to blog again! haha mad me XD 5th post alrdy! power right! bwahaha! :P

had lunch with justina jus now! love trcc fried rice and the sunny-side-up egg! :P omg! totally addictive lars! i could easily eat another serving! bwahaha! justina had 2 drumlets and drinks =D saw gene -again- and she served us! if i knew that was her 1st time making the sunny-side-up, i'd order something else to ease her troubles XD but ah ya, wats ordered is ordered =X no choice x.x sry gene xiao jie =X

haha! yeahs, chatted wif justina blah blah blah before we went back to class! then do ppt!

yeahs! now is jus a few minutes before 3rd meeting start! alrdy done ppt, and also alrdy familiar with the content of the ppt! hence, i tink (and hope) today will do well :P bwahaha! ltr got CO! and i'm anticipating it!

P.S.: True love lasts. At least, i'd believe it because you existed to take part in the true love <3