Tuesday, October 20, 2009 ' 10:24 AM
u'd say you speak alot, i'd take it from your words because you are my love.i followed ur words, and wished they'd come thru.
but whenever i followed my heart and desires, they didnt come thru. whenever i voiced out how sad i was, i'd gain just a sentence from you. its either a repetitive sentence, an emoticon, or a few words trying to console me. but i dun tink it works, at least for me =/
i'd wish that at times, i'd say "i'm very sorry, i caused ur morning to be a bad one!" or smth like that, and u jus said "noooooo" although of course, it kinda brought across the message that i didnt spoil ur morning, but i find it not enuff...i mean, i duno =/ its ur style of speech rights? who am i to alter it =/ even if i'm your boyfriend, i aint ur puppetmaster, and i dont wanna be ur puppetmaster. i'd rather u'd do things urself willingly! telling me things like "who said you spoilt my morning! i tink i spoilt urs instead...i dont deserve to be a gd lover." or smth lidat =/ but wells, aint ur style i tink x.x
i just keep feeling that i'm at fault, because u hardly say its urs (of course, not that i wished u said). you keep saying "dont lidat dont lidat". i feel like, i just kip bringing everything upon myself. i'm like this, because of myself? or...?
argh, nvm x.x i realli hate myself. i cant voice out my true views at times, because i dont wanna see you so unhappy. i dun wanna see you so sad and emo just by talking to me. i'd wish you are happy everytime u speak to me! but i'd jus admit, maybe everytime i speak, i jus feel unhappy over some stuffs. is it jus me being sensitive? or is it a necessity in love that i feel this way? am i too submissive? i'd sacrifice many things for you, in fact everything. but hais...wat has gotten into me? is it jus me? is it my fault? i've teared in class x.x argh.
i dont wanna flare up, i dont wanna be so angry at you. in fact, i dun even wanna show how angry i am. but wells, i duno when, if it may happen...
P.S.: I dont wanna break up with you. <3
